Dad Jokes

[Freds55]

Still laughing at that one DaveO

All it needs are a couple of nuts hanging from a chain on the hitch.

 

[Freds55]

Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy some more.

 

[Freds55]

You spend too much time thinking about golf! Do you even remember the day we got married?
Of course I do! It was the same day I sank that 45-foot putt.

 

[Freds55]

Why do swamp critters love to hang out together?
Because they’re always up for some toad-ally awesome adventures!

 

[fcs101]

Q: What should you do if you come upon a pirate that's not breathing?

A: Administer CP-RRRR!!!

 

[bleujazz3]

So Hot here this week good thing I found a new AC Guy!
View attachment 142889

You should know that running around is going to cause you to breath hard.

 

[bleujazz3]

My Dad was Happy.

My Dad gave me a dollar for my allowance, and said to make more of what I had with it.

So I traded my dollar for 2 quarters at the newspaper stand. I had the presence of mind to think that 2 quarters is more than 1.

I then went to the grocers and traded the 2 quarters for 3 dimes. Still thinking quantity is more important.

Then over to the backyard tag sale. Traded the 3 dimes for 4 nickels. Still making more visible coins here.

Lastly, I visited the blind beggar on the corner of Main and Patton Streets. Traded the 4 nickels for 5 pennies.

Upon returning home, my Dad asked, "Did you make more coin with the dollar I lent you?"

Smiling widely, I told him my story and my Dad was so proud of me...

 

[fcs101]

Q: How to pirates prefer to communicate?

A: Aye to aye.

 

[fcs101]

Q: Why did the pirate take a vacation?

A: He needed a little arrr and arrr.

 

[Freds55]

How are false teeth like stars?
They come out at night.

 

[Freds55]

What does a dentist’s chair and an Exxon have in common?
They’re both filling stations.

 

[Freds55]

What did the dentist say to the golfer?
You have a hole in one.

 

[Freds55]

Why did the termite eat the sofa, the chair, and the loveseat?
It had a suite tooth.

 

[DaveO]

Hey gang, so I was working on my F150...

 

[Freds55]

Did you see the review for the scary movie about pogo sticks?​

It has its ups and downs, but too many jump scares for me.

 

[Freds55]

Why should you never get in an argument with a pogo stick?
They always jump to conclusions

 

[fcs101]

Q: How much paint do you need to paint a house for tropical birds?

A: Two cans.

 

[Freds55]

What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound!

 

[Freds55]

How do you get to the monster's house?
Walk down the street, then turn fright at the dead end.

 

[Freds55]

A young man and his hot date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually an uber driver, and the fare back to town is $25...