Dad Jokes

[DaveO]

 

[Freds55]

How far is it from the Earth to the sun?

8 CVS receipts

 

[Freds55]

What is the new Starbucks sponsored Paul McCartney song? Latte it

 

[Freds55]

Starbucks or Victoria Secrets?.....Who charges more per cup?

 

[bleujazz3]

View attachment 140787

How far is it from the Earth to the sun?

8 CVS receipts

The way we heard it was, "Do you realize that it takes only 12 CVS receipts to reach the moon and back?"
Much more heartwarming this way...

 

[Freds55]

The worst pub I’ve ever been to was called The Fiddle. It really was a vile Inn.

 

[Freds55]

When it’s sunny I think, “Beer garden.”

When it rains I usually go to the pub for a while.

When it’s snowing I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of beer.

I’m starting to think I have a problem with the weather. Lol

 

[fcs101]

Q: What do you call someone who writes songs about sewing machines?

A: A Singer songwriter.

 

[Freds55]

What will Tesla name their electric lawnmower?

E-Lawn

 

[fcs101]

I was named after my Dad...I couldn't possibly have been named before him.

 

[fcs101]

Q: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

A: For one you need tweet-ment; for the other you need oink-ment.

 

[fcs101]

Q: Why did the Grim Reaper go to the shoe shop?

A: To get some soles.

 

[Freds55]

Why did the cheeseburger get into a fight with the veggie burger?
It had beef.

 

[Freds55]

What do you get when you cross a hamburger with a computer?
A big mac. Lol

 

[Freds55]

How did the hamburger introduce his wife?
Meat patty.

 

[fcs101]

 

[bleujazz3]

Q: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

A: For one you need tweet-ment; for the other you need oink-ment.

With one you get another, with the other, you've applied yourself

 

[bleujazz3]

The worst pub I’ve ever been to was called The Fiddle. It really was a vile Inn.

But if you're sitting in the Beer Garden at night, all you'll likely hear is the evenings insects and crickets (the world's tiniest violinists)

 

[fcs101]

Q: What are goosebumps for?

A: To slow geese down.

 

[Freds55]

What do you call a locomotive that keeps sneezing? Achoo choo train.