Dad Jokes

Mechanic: Ok, give it some gas...
Driver: The car's not moving...
Mechanic: Slowly engage the gearshift...
Driver: Now what?
Mechanic: Give it some...dang! Hold on until I untangle my cap from the fan belt...
Driver: OMG. RU OK?
Mechanic: Next time, remember it's an accelerator, not an expression pedal...
 
Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!" Nobody stands up
Teacher: "I'm sure there are some stupid students here!" Little Johnny stands up Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny, you think you're stupid?"

Little Johnny: "No, I just feel bad that you're standing alone. 🤣
 
Phil walks into his boss's office one day and says, "Sir, I'll be honest with you. I know the economy isn't great, but I've got three companies after me, and I'd like to ask for a raise, respectfully." After a few minutes of haggling, the boss finally agrees to give him a 5 percent raise, and he happily gets up to leave. "By the way," the boss asks as Phil leaves his office, "which three companies are after you?" Phil replies, "The electric company, water company, and phone company." 🤣👾
 
fcs101 said:
Q: How can you tell a blond's been trying to commit suicide?

A: There are bullet holes in the mirror.
Click to expand...
She's been unsuccessful knitting a sweater for her boyfriend?
Someone told her it's high time she called her Mom?
She's been planting peonies in her herb garden?
Someone has not told her about the nuances of playing poker?
(Seriously, I've heard many of these and it amounts to nothing...)
 
An employee had a conversation with the boss.
Boss: Do you believe in life after death?

Employee: No, because there is no proof of it.

Boss: Well, there is now! After you left yesterday saying that you had to go to your grandma's funeral, she called the office looking for you. 😆
 
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