Dad Jokes

A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died. Upon arrival in heaven, God said, "Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven." The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and says "I wish to be beautiful." God grants her wish. The next person can’t decide on what to wish for, so he ends up wishing for the same thing. At this point a man at the very back of the line starts to laugh. The next couple, seeing how utterly wondrous the two have become, make their wish to become beautiful also, and the man at the end laughs even louder. One after another, the people wish for the same thing. The closer God gets to the end of the line, the harder the man laughs. When God finally reaches him, he asks "What is your wish my son?" The man says, "Make them all ugly again!"
 
DaveO said:
A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died. Upon arrival in heaven, God said, "Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven." The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and says "I wish to be beautiful." God grants her wish. The next person can’t decide on what to wish for, so he ends up wishing for the same thing. At this point a man at the very back of the line starts to laugh. The next couple, seeing how utterly wondrous the two have become, make their wish to become beautiful also, and the man at the end laughs even louder. One after another, the people wish for the same thing. The closer God gets to the end of the line, the harder the man laughs. When God finally reaches him, he asks "What is your wish my son?" The man says, "Make them all ugly again!"
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That's almost evil, if it weren't humorous at the same time.

Try this on for size: The ugly duckling thought it was cursed because it was so ugly. As it grew older, it's feathers became white as snow, and as it matured, became a beautiful swan.

(You thought I was going to say platypus, didn't you? Yes, God also has a sense of humor. Excerpt from recent conversation with a friend about how I felt that like the duckling, my life was cursed. Only later in life did I realize that my life has a purpose and that many years ago when I thought there was no hope for me, God let me live. And gave me a sense of purpose. The friend said, "Take my right hand and I will certainly help you, yes, I will watch over and guide you." Those words helped me through some really difficult times, just as they do now.)
 
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fcs101 said:
Q: What lighting did Noah use on the ark?

A: Flood lights.
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One older friend recently spoke with me about visiting Abbott's Lobster in the Rough, in Noank, CT. When I asked him how was the seafood, he said it was OK but very expensive, being a tourist trap. The kicker and reason for his visit was that he lives on a street called Rainbow Dr., and his wife of many years had recently passed away. This was the first time he's been able to be in public finding some normalcy again. He and I don't usually speak with one another, but I'm slowly beginning to know how to cope with past history and his family, and not waste time nor energy on trivial matters.
 
bleujazz3 said:
One older friend recently spoke with me about visiting Abbott's Lobster in the Rough, in Noank, CT. When I asked him how was the seafood, he said it was OK but very expensive, being a tourist trap. The kicker and reason for his visit was that he lives on a street called Rainbow Dr., and his wife of many years had recently passed away. This was the first time he's been able to be in public finding some normalcy again. He and I don't usually speak with one another, but I'm slowly beginning to know how to cope with past history and his family, and not waste time nor energy on trivial matters.
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Dad: What's the difference between a toilet and a piano?
Son: I don't know.

Dad: Glad we don't have a piano.
 
I was thinking that the next generation of iPhones would not be built in China. Instead, India. The home of fine English gin, of which a purchase was made recently. Indeed, thank you, come again.
 
Vio said:
I would suggest you replace your fridge. worth it. Hendrick's is the next level up, but round as well (like most of the better ones).
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Uh, no. Owned a Kenmore medium-sized dorm fridge since 2004 or 2005; it's worked perfectly ever since. My other apartment fridge contains my food, the Kenmore is strictly for cooling beer, bottles and glasses. Have heard of Hendrick's...too expensive locally, though an excellent choice.
 
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DaveO said:
They say gin can damage your short-term memory. If that's the case, just imagine what gin can do.
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So can carrying a heavy courseload. Thank God I didn't need a college education for my job. I did well this year growing tomatoes and poblanos instead.

I asked my female coworker how her garden was doing. She smiled sweetly, said she had a good crop, and squirted hand sanitizer on her hands. Immediately, over the store stereo, Georgia Satellites played.

I tried to crack out a weak smile, but no popcorn or movie for this guy.
 
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