How to look dumb 101

Wireless systems - oh yeah been there and got the teeshirt :

1. We travelled over to the notorious North England working men club scene to do a 3 gig weekender 'tour'. This was in Newcastle and Gateshead. The crowd sit with their arms crossed at the start of the night just waiting to hurl abuse at you if displeased about something. We opened our first night with Queen's One Vision ... and it was decided the keyboard player would go on stage first and do the intro - then the rest of us would walk out on cue ..... guess who forgot to switch on his wireless pack.....and we'd brought a couple of pyros as well which the guy set off in sync with my dramatic arm swing ....

2. We played a local bar residency gig for years so it was always a relaxed one. I'd a bladder full of beer halfway through the first set and was hopping from one leg to the other - so I told the guys I'm going to the loo and to play something with no prominent guitar for the next song. I actually played the end of the current song as I walked down the bar to the loo. Got to the loo and there was a queue - so by the time I'd actually got standing space at the urinal with guitar slung upside down on my back the band (on purpose) started up a song where the guitar was very much needed after the first verse. I'd just time to zip up before swinging the guitar back to hit the big chords - unfortunately the bloke next to me was pretty drunk and I tapped him with the guitar as I swung it to the front - he turned round to look and forgot to stop pissing. You know the rest really ..... rest of the set with a very damp right leg.
 
I had one recent dim bulb moment with the Axe II...

After adding a volume pedal to my setup to control Simeon/3 Chord Rock's awesome violin patch, I took my rig to the next gig all ready to kill. Started the first set and the stage sound was inspiring, really had me fired up to play and I had not even broken out the violin patch yet. The sound man comes up mid set and tells me he hasn't heard a note I've played, and I am dead in the mains. I wonder how this can be, as the same signal is feeding outputs 1&2 (1 to FOH, 2 to monitor) both are up and I do see stereo level.

Cutting to the chase, I found I had inadvertently connected my volume pedal to Output 1, and as it was only used for the violin patch, it was (of course) all the way down. I had to chuckle thinking of how the rock god stances must look from the audience when no sound is coming out to match... It would have been merciful to have had the "no sound surprise" moment, this one went on for several songs!

New settings, equipment, or patches are now checked on all outputs before going to the stage. Dummy.
 
svl said:
It kinda is- my publicist at the time had her assistant (who was a film major) come out to film the event (my entertainment company used to put on major events with multiple bands/entertainment/ect, like mini-Lollapolooza's before there were any Lollapolooza's, and we used to film a lot of the shit). Someday I have to go through the archives and find the VHS tapes if they haven't turned to dust (this was waaaaaaaaaay back in 1992, and I can't claim to be an archiver, unless Rubbermaid totes in forgotten storage units now are considered archival storage methods).

And I'm not even kiddin' ya- this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to crazy shit happening to a fella. One of my old bassists has been chronicling my adventures and thinks we should write a book. My title? "AND THEN I ALMOST...."
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I would buy the book.
You should post that video if you find it.
 
We were playing for the first time at a new venue and kick off the night with Summer of '69. I'm rocking this song, but something sounds "off" the entire time. I'm constantly looking over at the bass player, my wife, and signaling the chord progression to her, but it's not being fixed. At the end of the song, I walk over to her and say, "tune your bass". As it turns out, I was 1/2 step down with that guitar from playing the previous night with my other band. Half way through the first set, the battery in my wireless goes dead. Third set, the batteries in my in-ears go dead. Needless to say, we did not get booked back to that venue for awhile.
 
....oh, and there is always the countless times of forgetting to push the d-tuna knob back in from playing a drop D tune! Uggh that one ticks me off all the time. ;)
 
One day I was playing with some friends in Reunion island, which is near Mauritius. The monitor mix was terrible so I couldn't hear the rest of the band well, only myself and the drums. "So", they ask me between two songs, "do you know Highway to hell" ? "yes" I answer, as I played that a long time ago (almost 15 years in fact). So here we go. The band play the song in A, and of course I play it in D, at least up to the solo, as I completely forgot what key it was in. I did hear something strange but couldn't figure what. I was only the rhythm guitarist, so mixed a little lower in the FOH, which didn't saved the day :D
 
Oh, and this one is not a dumb moment, but funny nonetheless. In 1987 we were playing a big festival near the seaside, and a fight started in the crowd. Then the police ordered to stop the concert, but we had no clue, we were busy playing Iron Maiden's "Where eagles dare(*)", and as the crowd was in the dark we couldn't see nothing. Now, if you know the song, there's a lot of drums breaks in it, starting on the snare and ending on the floor tom, à la Tom Sawyer break before the guitar solo. So, our drummer start one of these breaks, but when he arrives on the floor tom... No floor tom, as the police had asked to stop the concert, the guy who provided backline was packing everything he could
(*) thinking about it, this song may have caused the fight in the crowd, other bands were playing reggae and stuff like that
 
ScottyB said:
Many moons ago I was playing a backwoods bar in WI, (that's kind of redundant), and I see some hotties at a table across the dance floor. My solo is coming up, so to impress the girls, I decide to jump off the stage and run over to their table just in time to start the solo so I can melt their faces off. (Silly boys) Right as I'm getting to the table, I hit a wet spot on the floor, my feet go flying out from under me and I am suddenly lying on my back in the middle of a puddle from a spilled drink. I would love to say that I still played the solo flawlessly, but we all know that didn't happen. :roll At least I gave the girls a good laugh. :lol
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Lucky you didn't smack the back of your head on the deck.... Could've been a real send out.
 
Not a technical mishap, but certainly a gaffe -- playing a gig in Dubai during the 2nd gulf war. Right around when they caught Hussein. Between songs a guy in the crowd yells "play some Hendrix!" He's been yelling it all night. Keyboard player is having some technical issues, so I figure why not appease the man. I hit my Hendrix patch and launch into it, really going for it, closing my eyes and wailing it out...open my eyes to see 4 horrified bandmates and most of the crowd either with their jaws agape or none too pleased. Then remembered "Star Spangled Banner" wasn't just a Hendrix tune. Total silence after I squelched the last notes until we quickly launched into Summer of 69 or something. Whoops!
 
The lesson for me is...be careful who you play with.

I got asked to sit in for a charity church festival, last minute deal. Nice stage, thousands of church goers and their families.
The beloved pastor of the church that introduced us has a medical condition that forces him to slump over with a pronounced humpback.

The lead singer shows up five minutes after we were supposed to go on, asks me if I have any festival drink tickets, and then stumbles drunk up to the mic and screams...

SANCTUARY!

Not even crickets chirping.

BRING ME WATER!

The moment is far better now than at the time.
 
I saw Kirk Hammett fall down on stage once. He at the edge of the stage rocking out and started to backup when he tripped over something run across the stage. As he fell, he hoisted his guitar straight up in the air as to save it from damage. Laughed my ass off... until...

Years later I'm at a gig playing the Me First and the Gimmie Gimmie's version of "Goodbye Earl" and I'm jamming out when I land on my sandal wrong, which causes it to bend backwards. I take an epic spill into the monitor board, but I didn't stop playing! Finish the song and my elbow looks like I took a cheese grater to it. Grab the mic and yell "Now that's fucking rock and roll!" I turn to the drummer and he's laughing his ass off as I quietly say, "Dude, I'm in some serious pain right now. 1 song then break". We still laugh about that.
 
Sans Logic said:
The lesson for me is...be careful who you play with.

The lead singer shows up five minutes after we were supposed to go on, asks me if I have any festival drink tickets, and then stumbles drunk up to the mic and screams...

SANCTUARY!

Not even crickets chirping.

BRING ME WATER!
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I thought only Christians were invited to those things, including the players......


Sidivan said:
...I'm jamming out when I land on my sandal wrong, which causes it to bend backwards.
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-Tsks- Not wearing the proper foot gear.
 
A couple months ago, I learned that the guitarist from Texas Hippie Coalition uses the same wireless unit as our bass player. We learned this 5 minutes before we got on stage as he was apparently warming up in the dressing room and our bassist hadn't picked up his instrument yet. Easy fix, but boy were we confused!

Sten said:
-Tsks- Not wearing the proper foot gear.
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YEP! You live and you learn!
 
Long story short:

I was playing guitar on tour with a vocalist who had just finished a new album, and he particularly dug one solo I did on his record. Before we played that song (last song of the night), he kept telling the audience how great the guitar solo in the middle is (to the point of embarrassment). We start the song (a slow, brooding song with deep spiritual lyrics), and all is well - we get to my guitar solo and the sound was perfect! At the end of the solo, I go for the climactic high note bend and rare back as I play it - unfortunately I was standing on my guitar cable and this pulled the cable out and onto the floor! The hum was deafening, and by the time I knelt down and re-connected, the solo was over and the feeling was anything but 'climactic'! ;) ;)
 
that's hilarious, I mean I'm laughing with you, not at you.

I'm not comfortable with the vocalist in my band trying to build me up. It brings me back to my very first public gig ever, when the vocalist says " on guitar... MagicFingers..."
I probably don't have to tell you how that turned out
 
Oh nice one Hadley! hehe But that reminds me of another time .... way back in time I was on stage and pulled my cable out by standing on it - we were a 2 guitar band plus keys and it wasn't a solo or anything so no real damage done except a red face.

At the break the other guitarist was laughing at me endlessly and saying I should have looped the cable through my strap like he did "Every time and all the time" (repeat ad nauseum).

2 gigs later he snagged his cable and it popped the strap off his guitar leaving him squatting on his hunkers trying to finish his solo ..... I could have winged the solo for him as his pleading face seemed to be insinuating .....

...... but I decided to laugh instead

(edit) I just phoned the other guitarist after not speaking with him for what must be nearly 10 years ..... he was able to tell me it wasn't the same night that it happened as I thought it was, but 2 gigs later ..... and it still annoys him ..... I could have sympathised and made the right noises ..... but I decided to laugh instead ....
 
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