Dad Jokes

This made me laugh lol

A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of cough syrup. Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks, “Well? Are you still coughing?” The patient replies, “No, I’m afraid to.”
 
The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office, having his hearing checked.

The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”

“Rats,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”
 
Freds55 said:
The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office, having his hearing checked.

The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”

“Rats,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”
Click to expand...
Good thing the old man wasn't named Fred. (Hey, I have standards, too, ya know...)
 
I went to the supermarket today, and I was there for literally 5 minutes.

When I came out there was a cop writing a parking ticket.

So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked doody-head cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!

So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch because he's so ugly.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the windshield... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote.

He finally turned around, got back in his motorcycle and drove away.

I stood there, and didn’t care, then walked away. My car was parked around the corner.
 
A young man was celebrating his native culture one weekend until he suffered a clenched jaw. Thinking it might be something serious, because it was so painful, he arranged to be seen by a doctor that day. The doctor did a thorough exam and concluded, "Well, it seems that you dislocated your mandible somehow. Just how, I don't know. Perhaps you can shed some light on this and then we'll get you set up with a chiropractor to correct this."

The young man motioned for a pen and paper and wrote, "Had a premonition yesterday that a beautiful woman would meet me but we would not hit it off well. In fact, she would be insulted by my joke."

Doc reads and says, "What joke?"

Young man wrote: "That her beautiful feet in her leather sandals reminded me of my aunt's camel-toe. Next thing I knew, I woke up lying on the grass in the park where we met, with the clenched jaw."
 
The cast of Friends has reunited to open a DVD shop.

A man walks in and says, “My Netflix subscription just ran out. Do you have the latest season of You?”

The staff points to a corner of the shop and says, “Aisle B there for You.”
 
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