Dad Jokes

Hope you guys are having a good weekend.

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.

"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
 
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are sitting at a bar.

A fly lands in the Englishman's glass.
He pushes his beer away.
"I shan't drink this."

A fly lands in the Sctosman's glass.
He pulls out the fly and has drink.
"It's joost a fly."

A fly lands in the Irishman's glass.
He grabs it with his fingers and begins squeezing.
"Spit it out, ya buggah!"
 
Freds55 said:
Hope you guys are having a good weekend.

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.

"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
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Its long weekend for me, and happy to be getting out of town for some different exposure!
wishing all a good safe and fun weekend,
🏖️⛱️
 
fcs101 said:
Q: Who wins a fight between Sunday and Monday?

A: Sunday. Monday is a weekday.
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"Honey, our latest Fractal firmware release has a Mutron envelope follower. Isn't that wonderful?"
"Don't you already own a Fractal device?"
"Of course!"
"What's your point?"
"The latest firmware release contains an emulation of a Mutron envelope follower, and it was free!"
"So?"
"When was the most recent time you received something really interesting and valuable for free?"
"Hmm. You got me there."
"I was hoping you'd say it was when I said, "No, I love you very much; we don't need therapy."
"I'm waiting..."
"Oh! (Kisses her passionately). Is that what you meant?"
"Close enough. At least you avoided the dog house tonight."
"You aren't the least interested in learning what a Mutron is, are you, dear?"
"Nope."
 
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