Dad Jokes

When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly, she asked me to bring her a few items from home. One item on the list was "comfortable underwear." Worried I'd make the wrong choice, I asked, "How will I know which ones to pick?"

"Hold them up and imagine them on me," she said. "If you smile, put them back." Lol
 
On the first day of our marriage retreat, the instructor talked about the importance of knowing what matters to each other.

"For example," he began, pointing to my husband, David, "do you know your wife's favorite flower?"


David answered, "Pillsbury All Purpose." 🤣
 
Q: Why did the feminist cross the road?

A: It doesn't matter. Women have the right to cross roads without having their motives questioned.
 
As Farmer Brown approached his neighbor’s barn, he saw Farmer Jones serenading a tractor with songs and compliments. “What are you doing?” Farmer Brown demanded. Farmer Jones replied, “My wife and I have been having marital difficulties, and the marital counselor said I needed to do something sexy to a tractor." lol 😆
 
While waiting to register at a hotel, I overheard the couple ahead of me asking for a room with a king, queen or double bed. The clerk apologized and said that the only rooms available had twin beds.

Disappointed, the man remarked, "I don't know. We've been sharing the same bed for 44 years." "Could you possibly put them close together?" the wife asked. Several people nearby smiled, and someone commented, "How romantic."

Then the woman finished her request with, "Because if he snores, I want to be able to punch him." Lol 😆
 
i had someone tell me once that he had a
Push-Pull Tube Amp?

I asked him what that is...

He said, "That's where you Pull out old tubes
and Push in new tubes." 😆


I fried my Peavey Amp again last night 2nd time in 6 months. Getting it ready to send it back to Peavey! So glad my Axe Fx iii is still rocking!
 
"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Colleen. "Fifty years," replied Grandma Murphy. “That’s brilliant," exclaimed Colleen. "And I bet in all that time, you never once thought about divorce, right?" "Right Colleen. Divorce, NEVER. Murder, lots of times, but never divorce." 🤣
 
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