Dad Jokes

[IFITYWYBMAD?]

Santa’s helper are really digging your Santa jokes!

 

[Xrocker]

There are perks to having access to the naughty/nice list.

 

[notalemming]

Santa’s helper are really digging your Santa jokes!

View attachment 92801

There are perks to having access to the naughty/nice list.

They must be from the nice and naughty list!

 

[Freds55]

How do Santa and Mrs. Claus travel?
On an icicle built for two.

 

[Freds55]

My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.

Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

 

[fcs101]

Q: Did you hear about the man who stole an Advent Calendar?

A: He got 25 days!

 

[Freds55]

Hard to believe that Christmas is almost here

What is Santa Claus’ laundry detergent of choice?

Yule-Tide.

 

[Freds55]

The Polar Express​

“Just remember, the true spirit of Christmas lies in your heart.” — Santa Claus

“The thing about trains… it doesn’t matter where they’re going. What matters is deciding to get on.” — The Conductor

“Seeing is believing, but, sometimes, the most real things in the world are the things we can’t see.” — The Conductor

 

[Freds55]

Which program does a Jedi use to open PDF files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi.

 

[Toopy14]

 

[fcs101]

Q: What did the doctor say to the gingerbread man with the sore knee?

A: Try icing it!!!

 

[Freds55]

Why does Scrooge love reindeer so much? ​

Because every single buck is dear to him!

 

[Freds55]

What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.

 

[fcs101]

Q: After the first two wise men presented their gifts of gold and frankincense, what did the third wise man say?

A: "But wait, there's myrrh!"

 

[Freds55]

Where do Santa and his reindeer go to get hot chocolate while flying in the sky?

Star-bucks!

 

[notalemming]

What do you get when you put 50 female deer & 50 male deer together?

100 sows and bucks.

 

[Freds55]

Why is the turkey such a fashionable bird?

Because he's always well dressed when he comes to dinner.

 

[Freds55]

What was Santa's favorite subject in school?

Chemis-tree!

 

[bleujazz3]

What did Rudolph say when Santa asked him, "What do you call a deer with no eyes?"

Rudolph replied, "Doe Idea."

(A new take on an old one.)

 

[TravisG406]

(Irish accent) You know why there's only two hundred tirty beans in a can of Irish beans?

One more and it'd be two farty