Dad Jokes

[Toopy14]

 

[Freds55]

eBay is so useless.

I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

 

[fcs101]

Q: What do you do if you're addicted to seaweed?

A: You see kelp!

 

[Freds55]

I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals.

Sadly, no pun in ten did

 

[Freds55]

What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

Oops! Lol

 

[Freds55]

 

[Freds55]

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory

10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.

 

[Freds55]

Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.

 

[fcs101]

Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.

Ahh, humor and wisdom!

 

[Xrocker]

View attachment 95044

Yes I have, but it’s been years.

 

[fcs101]

Have you ever used a telescope?

You should look into it!

 

[Toopy14]

no thank you, though I apricate the offer..

Are you absolutely sure you don't want to come for a visit??? It's nice and sunny!

 

[Toopy14]

"My cousin has two tickets for the 2022 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $4,500 for each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same weekend as his wedding.

If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at First Baptist Church in Fairfield Tx. at 3pm. Her name is Jessica , she's 5'4, about 130 lbs, good cook too.....She'll be the one in the white dress."

 

[Freds55]

 

[Toopy14]

View attachment 95067

I know how to figure it out. I'll get my wife to pronounce it when she's wearing her retainer. I'll let you know.

 

[Freds55]

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

 

[fcs101]

Q: What happened when the bossy guy went into the bar?

A: He ordered everyone around!

 

[Freds55]

 

[Dave Merrill]

 

[Dave Merrill]

View attachment 95091

It's doing a New England today!