Just updating this, since I know people are clearly losing sleep over it.
I just had two electricians here, and the foreman said "This is the weirdest thing I've seen in 35 years of doing this".
My house ground is good, panels are good, no floating neutral. We went through the house and unplugged _everything_. Fridge, oven, dryer, microwave, my rechargable "Dancin' Cliff' bobblehead with kung-fu grip... You name it, it was unplugged.
Then, the electricians yanked the electrical meter outside, so that there was no juice at all flowing into my house from the pole.
The result? The Noise Of Doom is still there. If I hold a guitar (any guitar) up to the wiring, run into a battery powered amp, noise galore. So my wiring is still putting out some kind of EMI/RFI, even when it's completely disconnected from the pole with nothing plugged in that could be backfeeding into the electrical system inside the house.
It's comical at this point, but the good news is that the electrician was so stumped, he didn't even charge me.