Dealing with Band Drama...

Muzick

Muzick

Experienced
Hey everyone,

As a lot of people here are apart of bands, I'm interested to see how you deal with band drama.

I've been with my current band for 6 years now. We are a band that play mostly original music for our own enjoyment. We generally have a show once a month at local festivals, pubs, dive bars, etc. When I look back at year 1 to now it's amazing how much progress we've made. As a band, we've gone from barely making it through a simple song in a basement, to playing a full set at festivals.

Lately over the past year one of the members has been threatening to quit the band. Arguments arise and seem to resolve themselves, but it's been getting more intense. (Though not anymore frequent.) The member that's threatening to quit is definitely a big driving force of the band. While I'd like to believe the band would survive without this person, my gut feeling is it will probably dissipate it.

Do you guys have any suggestions? How does your band deal with drama?

Thanks,
Brandon
 
It's all part and parcel of what makes it what it is - good and bad

Have been through a number issues over the last 25 years, but they always work out ok in one way or another

In an odd way, I guess I've kinda always been the 'driving force & knows how all the gear works' guy that you're referring to, so what is it that's making him say that he wants to leave..?
 
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All one can really do (based on my own experience) is take things one situation at a time being as mature as possible. If, "the driving force behind the band" is threatening to leave... call him on it. Especially if they're more of the immature/self-serving reasons or if it's coming across as a type of extortion to get his own way. Seen that card played many times. (Not saying that is the case but if it is, no one needs to put up with that crap).
 
I've been playing a long time so I value the vibe of the band as much as I jones being on stage.

In my experience, its pretty normal for bands to change over time.

If I am doing it mostly for fun / hobby, it needs to be fun most of the time or why am I doing it in the first place?

I tend to think no one can "fix" another person or situation, so I let things go their course.
 
I'd need to know the reason why he's threatening to leave. Is it a valid reason or not?

I've left a couple of bands because of the level of musicianship the weakest links were at. (keep in mind that I have been a weak link as well, lol)

just my .02

Jeff
 
It happens. If you're doing it for fun, which is most cases, and one member is causing the issue, face it straight-up with him/her to resolve or cut them loose. I've found that if there's an issue, it will likely surface again. Others will step-up, even when losing the 'critical' member.
 
Six years is a really long time in band land. You guys must be doing something right. I'd say communication - especially really honest, non threatening communication is the key. Find out what is at the root of the problem and then see if it's something the band can resolve.
 
6 years? That is quite a bit of hang time with da boyz. All we can do is guess...need more details.
What does this person really want the band to achieve? (His personal goals, and what he see's the band accomplishing)
Does everyone put in the same amount of time and desire to improve?
The arguments are just a ruse to cover what the real underlying issue(s) are.
You have to acertain these.
The individual feels hurt somewhere. That takes finese and impartiallity in addressing, as a band ,or one-on-one.
Wish you the best! I was always the "problem child"...no matter which band, so I speak experientially from the "dawk syde"
 
Is there a solution to this threatening to quit member's issue? Can you live with the solution?

I'm in a similar situation, but October marks our 20th year.
 
You ask one of the eternal questions. Depends on what you can handle and what you want. Sometimes people value hanging and personal connection over musicianship. Other bands have great musicianship and no collective vibe. Sometimes you get both. Even when you get both sometimes people in bands see things differently or want to play more/less or have personal issues that change their focus.

As in most things, communicating clearly about it is best if you can. Change happens. How we adapt is a huge factor in our success and happiness. No easy answers. A guy who'd been playing bass in a band I've been in over a decade decided he'd had enough recently. I still don't really understand, but so be it. We're still figuring out who and what the solution is. Fortunately we live in a big city and there are other bass players available. We'll see how it goes.

If this person is a big factor in the band functioning, it's hard to let go, but who knows what might happen on the other side? I occasionally get bothered by wishing people I play with were better/different/more committed/heard things the way I did/etc. I always figure it's up to me to figure what realistic expectations really are in a situation. Then I figure whether to leave it be, help evolve it in some way or bail to find or create a situation that works better for me.

Good luck however it goes.
 
I suppose it depends on what the singers issue is. We recently went through a vocalist change due to the same issue. Different arguments every time, but always centered around him, which indicates an external issue or a deep issue with an actual band member.

After 2 "I quit" threats, I called a band meeting and said, "I understand there are some issues. We're going to work this out, but from here on in if you quit, you quit. You better have thought long and hard about that decision because it means we've exhausted all possible solutions and none are acceptable. If you quit, nobody is going to argue or try to convince you otherwise. Now, (name) you have the floor. Voice your grievances."

During band meetings, everybody gets time to speak. I hand out notepads to write down responses so nobody needs to interrupt and when somebody does I shut it down with a simple "he's speaking right now. If you would like to respond, write your thought down and you'll get your turn"

It seems really childish, but this is how a court of law works, debate teams, etc... Once everybody got used to it, they really liked it because this way everybody gets to speak. It prevents a powerful personality from dominating a more timid personality.

That has worked for us for 4 years, but our singer moved for a job, which turned out was the real issue.
 
I'm the driving force in multiple bands and I must admit that I may cause arguements and debates from time to time. The thing is... I think it's justified.

I don't mean to sound like a dick but if I write all the songs, lyrics even when I'm not singing, record everyone's performance, mix and master the music, do the artwork for web and cds etc and the other guys just need to show up at practice with an instrument and fail to so it simply pisses me off. And the next step is to book shows and advertise the bands etc. and their only solution is that I take care of it because they know I'm most likely the best guy to do that also.

If it’s like that then I might aswell do it all by myself and that's where the whole "CLARK KENT" thing originally came from. I was in a prog band and our vocalist quit (surprise) and he was and essential part of the band so I quit also and started this "CLARK KENT" thing because (this will sound bad) I'm a tighter guitarist, bassist and vocalist than any of the guys I was surrounded with. And I program drums pretty well so who do I need to make music and why?

That might sound like I'm a dick but that's exactly what Dave Grohl did after Kurt Cobain killed himself. That solo project is nowadays called Foo Fighters.
 
I actually have the exact opposite of Mr. Kent heh.

I don't expect everybody to work as hard as I do, but I expect them to work at their capacity. Fair is not judged by the amount of work you can do, but rather if you're working to the best of your ability. We have other rules in place to prevent freeloading however... And if you show up and don't know your part, shit hits the fan. That's the minimum.
 
I have been in and out of bands for a very long time. There is no magic solution in dealing with people, other than to treat them they way you would want to be treated. I do think the ultimatums gotta go. Were it me, I would say the next time they threaten to quit, call their bluff. I think that everyone gets frazzled once in a great while, but the endless stress is another thing. Perhaps call a band meeting and ask the person what is really the matter. Just tell them that the endless threats are killing the band, and you might as well get it over with. Find out what the real problem is, then see if there is an acceptable solution for all concerned. If not, then it's time for the band to evolve. Just my 2 cents.

I agree with Sidvan. People should bring their best to the band. If they are bringing a mediocre attitude, then they gotta go.
 
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