Dad Jokes

[Freds55]

The neighbor told me their window was smashed today. I asked them what happened and they said that someone used a potato to gain entry to the house, but the police suspect the evidence was planted. Lol

 

[empinchen]

What does a vegan zombie eat?

Graaaaains!

 

[bleujazz3]

Q: Why do Olympians get all teary-eyed when the officials hand them a bouquet of flowers?

A: They're Olympians, though they have seasonal allergies just like regular people do.

 

[bleujazz3]

What 2 ingredients make unleavened bread?

Your Mom, and your daughter.

 

[bleujazz3]

Why it truth stranger than fiction?

This is fiction. Only God knows what truth is.

 

[bleujazz3]

Why did the housewife demand to know where her husband was all evening?

When the husband said, "Who wants to know?", out came the rolling pin.

The husband said, "I think I'll just let myself out again."

 

[fcs101]

Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?

A: Unique up on it.

Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?

A: The tame way.

 

[bleujazz3]

What does a vegan zombie eat?

Graaaaains!

Q: What is often described as the lowest form of humor?

A: Donnie Osmond's singing.

 

[bleujazz3]

Q: Why is the airport bar & lounge THE place to be?

A: If you have to ask, you're too young.

 

[Freds55]

​

I used to work in a prune juice factory.
I was a taste tester. It was a good job, but I'd work 1 day and have to stay home 2.

 

[DaveO]

 

[bleujazz3]

True this is.

 

[bleujazz3]

Q: What are the drawbacks of being a rockstar?

A: Gene Simmons.

 

[bleujazz3]

Q: Why should you never invest in a pond water community timeshare?

A: Lord knows what catfish live in there.

 

[bleujazz3]

Q: Why is Spam no longer just "canned meat"?

A: It's spiced canned ham, a Hawaiian delicacy, for all you noobs.

 

[bleujazz3]

Q: Why are internet pop-ups so annoying?

A: After watching a movie on my sofa with a bowlful of them, it's the thin shells that get stuck in your teeth that's bothersome.

 

[bleujazz3]

Q: Why should you never bother a DEA officer while he’s doing his job?

A: If you by accident make snarky comments to him, your Monopoly “Get Out of Jail Free” card is basically worthless.

 

[Freds55]

What do you get when you mix beans and onions? A: Tear gas.

 

[Freds55]

You might be a redneck if you think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.

 

[fcs101]

Q: What's it called when a pig looses its memory?

A: Hamnesia.