Dad Jokes

[Freds55]

Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry. Lol

 

[JamDoc]

Walked into the book store & asked the sales lady 'were is the self help section? ' she answered; don't you think that's defeating the purpose?

 

[Freds55]

Why are spiders such know-it-alls?

They’re always on the web.

 

[Joe Bfstplk]

One day, a blonde got fed up with all the dumb blonde jokes, dyed her hair red, bought a new Corvette, and drove across the country. On a back road near Winamac, IN, she had to stop and wait for a bunch of sheep crossing the road. She struck up a conversation with the shepherd, and asked him, "If I guess how many sheep you have, can I keep one?" He agrees, and, amazingly, he has 1347 sheep, just as she guessed. He allows her to select the one she wants. Before she leaves, he asks, "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

 

[Freds55]

What do you call a Star Wars droid that takes the long way around?
R2-Detour.

 

[Freds55]

1. What did Obi-Wan tell Luke when his young apprentice was having a difficult time using chopsticks at the Chinese restaurant?
   “Use the fork, Luke.”

 

[IFITYWYBMAD?]

Why did the Eskimo prostitute run for political office?

She was good at snow job’s

 

[Freds55]

My boss told me yesterday, “You shouldn't dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want”.
But when I turned up today in Ghostbusters clothes, he said I was fired.

 

[bleujazz3]

My boss was exceptionally hungry today, so I said, "Tell you what. Provide me with a list of your favorite foods, and I'll create a 7-course meal from scratch that will knock your socks off. Everything you might desire from a hotel menu."

The boss smiled widely and said, "Thanks very much for your offer, and I don't mean to sound rude, but all I really needed was some cheese and crackers."

 

[Freds55]

Why is Miss Piggy such a bad driver?

Because all she does is hog the road

 

[Freds55]

What do you call Chewbacca when he gets chocolate in his fur?
A chocolate chip Wookiee!

 

[fcs101]

Q: What's the best possible Christmas gift?

A: A broken drum...you just can't beat it!

 

[Freds55]

I got gas for $1.99 at lunch. Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.

 

[Freds55]

Knock knock. Who’s there? A little old lady? A little old lady who?

I didn’t know you could yodel!

 

[Freds55]

What kind of vehicle does a chicken drive?

A coop.

 

[Freds55]

Why couldn’t the all-star football player listen to music?

Because he broke all the records.

 

[bleujazz3]

How do spiders communicate? Through the word wide web! Lol

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

What if life gives you melons? (You might be dyslexic.)

 

[DaveO]

 

[Joe Bfstplk]

View attachment 92688

I heard it's a perty crappy movie. Director was a real asahole....

 

[Joe Bfstplk]

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil....