Dad Jokes

[Randall d]

Asked my therapist about my re-occurring nightmare of riding in a carpool to work and getting stuck in a tunnel. She responded: it is pretty common, it is called Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.

 

[Freds55]

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter. Lol

 

[rickboot]

Just read your joke to my 13 yr old daughter. She immediately answered and informed me that that joke is "so old"!

It still qualifies as a granddad joke.

 

[fcs101]

Q: Why was the scarecrow employee of the month?

A: He was outstanding in his field!

 

[giannishreds]

What do you call an Italian ghost who likes to have a good time?

A Fun Ghoul

 

[Freds55]

How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.

 

[Freds55]

Which monster loves to dance? The Boogieman Lol

 

[TSJMajesty]

^^ That one gave me a chuckle, instead of a 'ba-dum-bump', or worse, a 'aoaughh' Some call these jokes 'groaners' for a reason.

 

[fcs101]

Which monster loves to dance? The Boogieman Lol

Along those lines...

Q: How do you get a handkerchief to dance?

A: Put a little boogie in it!!!

 

[bleujazz3]

Oh, and the Clearasil/Toothpaste one on page 5.

Same here.

Zedhead cleared it up...

First chair brass jazz band = Tuba

 

[bleujazz3]

Guy walks into a bar and sits down, and says, "Pass the pretzels, please." and orders a beer.

Bowl of pretzels in front of him says, "Hey, you're a handsome fellow!"

The guy's eyes widen.

The beer arrives and the pretzels say, "Hey, a Pilsner, excellent choice!"

The guy freaks out a little and says to the bartender, "Dude, what the heck is it with these pretzels?"

Bartender says, "You can relax. The pretzels are complimentary."

 

[fcs101]

Zedhead cleared it up...

First chair brass jazz band = Tuba

Okay, gotta admit that's a little bit niche though (maybe more of a Band Dad Joke!). There still remains the other jokes in question....

 

[TSJMajesty]

Okay, gotta admit that's a little bit niche though (maybe more of a Band Dad Joke!). There still remains the other jokes in question....

Yeah, that's a bit of a reach, and I've been in concert bands, jazz bands, & marching bands, but couldn't make the connection. Oh well...

 

[bleujazz3]

Okay, gotta admit that's a little bit niche though (maybe more of a Band Dad Joke!). There still remains the other jokes in question....

I suppose if I applied myself better, it might make sense.

 

[fcs101]

I suppose if I applied myself better, it might make sense.

No harm. We all learned something!

 

[Freds55]

Wanna know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin. Lol

 

[JoKeR III]

Jack has an uncanny ability to talk with vegetables.

Jack and the beans talk.

 

[bleujazz3]

So the requirements for moderators is this:

They must have a clear view of what is required of them.
They must speak well.
They must have good oversight for this forum.
They do not own a Twitter account.
They make it a breeze for us to work with FAS.

They say only what they need to.

 

[TravisG406]

Here's a stupid phonetic one I made up when I was a teenager working at a cemetery:

Little Timmy's parents were avid card players. So much that they named their 4 dogs after the suits. Diamond, Heart, Spade, and Club. They were all very nice dogs but one was very aggressive. They had to get Spade neutered.

 

[notalemming]

What did the geisha girl say to the sushi chef?
Is that a tuna roll in your pocket or are you just glad sashimi?