Dad Jokes

[fcs101]

 

[bleujazz3]

View attachment 152436

Looks like "she's already got one."

 

[fcs101]

Q: What do you get when two leprechauns have a conversation?

A: Small talk.

 

[fcs101]

An Irishman was in New York, patiently waiting to cross a busy street. There was a traffic cop manning the crossing.

The cop stopped after a few minutes and told those waiting to cross the road, ‘Okay, pedestrians,’ he said, ‘let’s go.’

The Irishman stood waiting, growing more and more frustrated. After five minutes, he shouts to the cop, ‘The pedestrians crossed ages ago—when’s it time for the Catholics?!’

 

[fcs101]

Q: What's the quickest way to find an American in a crowd?

A: Shout, "Is anyone here Irish?!?"

 

[Freds55]

Got a corned beef and a couple of corn bread mix’s need to pick up a gabage oh yum.

What do you call a fake Irish diamond?

A shamrock

 

[DaveO]

The other day I visited the thrift shop and picked up an old record album called ‘Sound of Wasps’

When I got home and played it I realised it didn’t sound anything like wasps!

Turns out I’d been playing the Bee side

 

[DaveO]

A man is told the local bank offers mortgages with no interest.

The man enters the bank.

Man: I’m here to find out about the mortgage.

Bank manager: I don’t really care....

 

[DaveO]

Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?

Because he couldn’t afford a plane ticket.

 

[DaveO]

I once met a woman who mixed up her chapstick with super glue.

I tried to find out more, but her lips were sealed.

 

[Freds55]

Looks like some bad weather coming in tonight. Hope we don’t have any tornado alerts tonight.

How do you pay for your green beer on St. Patrick's Day? With a lepre-coin.

Or a headache in the morning Lol

 

[Freds55]

I had a garbage joke, but it stinks!

 

[Freds55]

I’m on a roll like a garbage truck on trash day! Lol

 

[fcs101]

Q: What do you call an Irish tyrant?

A: O'Pressor.

 

[bleujazz3]

Did you hear about the Irish cardsharp who also sang Southern rock cover tunes?

His most famous tune was "Keep Your Hands to Yourself."

 

[bleujazz3]

Did you hear about the '50s doo-wop band that encouraged teens to do the responsible thing?

"Di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-boom-boom-boom-boom-boom-boom-boom-boom-Get a room."

 

[bleujazz3]

Why is it suggested that you not use hashtags when writing researchable articles?

Hashtags compromise a level of security and you could be more vulnerable to phishing attempts. Said the man who never used hashtags, but now is required to document and field about 4 to 6 phishing emails daily. It's a damn nuisance. Where do these scambags come from? They're about as entertaining as waxy-build up.

 

[DaveO]

Looks like some bad weather coming in tonight. Hope we don’t have any tornado alerts tonight.

How do you pay for your green beer on St. Patrick's Day? With a lepre-coin.

Or a headache in the morning Lol

i'm .5 irish and love these jokes... FYI...

 

[DaveO]

I had a garbage joke, but it stinks!

Hey @Freds55 Why did the garbage can stop dating?
Because it found someone rubbish to hang out with!

 

[fcs101]

This isn't a joke, just something interesting.

I've been watching The Rockford Files lately and just finished Season 4. The final episode was about the construction of a computer center designed to collect personal information on individuals and then sell it to customers. Here's a screen shot of the closing credits. Sorry for the darkness on the edges, but Roku did that when I paused to take the screen shot.

I just thought it was interesting how relatively quickly we have embraced this and even support it.