Dad Jokes

[Freds55]

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?

Mistle-toes. Lol

 

[fcs101]

Q: What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

A: You can't tune a fish!

 

[Freds55]

"You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice." Lol

 

[TSJMajesty]

"You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice." Lol

Kinda like, You don't a license to drive. You need it when you get stopped!

 

[Freds55]

I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes
My doctor says it’s terminal

 

[symphx]

My favorite Steven Wright line ever.
Probably the most profound words ever spoken by man.

‘Experience is that thing you get right after you need it.’

One of his I love is 'I put instant coffee in the microwave'; I went back in time...

 

[symphx]

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
If nothing sticks to Teflon how do they stick it to the pan?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?

How can you cross a bridge before you've come to it? (Dr. Havena Goodtime-Vishing you were here SNL)

 

[fcs101]

Q: What do you call a woodpecker without a bill?

A: Headbanger!

 

[Freds55]

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the

letters I was hiding

She got mad and said she's never playing scrabble with me again lol

 

[fcs101]

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

A: Frostbite!

 

[warlockII]

 

[Freds55]

I Told My Wife To Embrace Her Mistakes.

So She hugged me.

 

[fcs101]

Q: What should you give to a sick ant?

A: Ant-ibiotics!

 

[Freds55]

If I woke up in the morning and nothing hurt.

I would think I was Dead. Lol

 

[fcs101]

Q: Why doesn't Winnie The Pooh wear shoes?

A: He prefers bear feet!

 

[fcs101]

Q: How many ants does it take to fill an apartment?

A: Ten. Ten-ants.

 

[Freds55]

Why are pediatricians always so angry? Because they have little patients.

 

[fcs101]

Q: What does a dog and a cellphone have in common?

A: They both have collar ID!

 

[Freds55]

Why are balloons so expensive?
Inflation.

 

[fcs101]

Why are balloons so expensive?
Inflation.

Touche'