I was born to love and play music, of that I'm convinced, however, I sometimes feel guilty about it, but for different reasons than yours.
As a very young child, somewhere between learning to talk, and learning to read, my absolute favorite thing in the world to do was visit my grandmother and my aunt (still living at home as she is only 10 years older than me, so she was an early teen at this time), and as soon as I walked through the door, ask Aunt Bee if I could play her records (the answer was always yes.) I remember bringing her the 45's (google it kids
) to ask her which side I liked (the hit single side), because I didn't know how to read yet. My love of music started
really early.
As a pre-teen, I used to sit with my tape recorder just waiting for my favorite song to come on the radio so I could record it, hoping just once, the DJ wouldn't talk over the intro.
As a teen I would chart every song, every week, on Casy Kasim's American Top 40, turning on the tape recorder when we had to leave for church.
In 6th grade I started playing the Clarinet; in 9th I was 1st chair, 1st Clarinet in the MD All-State band. But by then I really disliked it, wanting instead to play guitar.
Bought a Silverburst LP Custom at 16 with my own grass-cutting money. Then the many bands started. I should've gone on to study music, but due to my parents' divorce, things didn't turn out that way.
But I've had a great career that has enabled me to buy pretty much whatever I want, and since I help out those less fortunate than me, I have no guilt about that (buying that Majesty at the left last year did make me a little nervous...), other than it does get in the way of other things in life that I know I need to stop putting off. But that's how much I love it.
I have a small-ish twinge of guilt when I hear friends tell me I'm "too good" to not be playing in a band. But I hate all the BS that comes with bands. Plus, my chops aren't where
I want them to be, mostly due to too much sex, drugs, & Rock-n-Roll in my 20's & 30's (and my own divorce), but I'm making up for lost time now.
Couple hours ago UPS delivered my new FC-12 and EV-1, and buying them kinda makes me lament not being in a band, but who knows...
I say, if it gives you enjoyment, you're not stealing from yourself or your family, and you're balancing your gear acquisitions with planning for the future, and hopefully giving some back, then DO NOT ever think you don't "deserve it." I know I deserve it for all the reasons above, and the fact that I work very hard for the money I earn, so I can spend a portion of it on things that give me great enjoyment.
I do wish I did some things differently, but I can't change that, so I'm extremely happy with just playin my guitar through my Axe Fx III, while learning more about it, and improving myself as a player, simply for my own satisfaction. Good topic, and sorry (not sorry!
) if that was too much info.