AFIII “Lonely Ocean” The Most Proud Thing I’ve done Yet

RevDrucifer

RevDrucifer

Fractal Fanatic
So a few months back I found out some devastating news that seems like it’s finally caught up to me with no way of getting out of it. This crush me at the beginning of the year and has continued to do so. I’ve been in therapy and we’ve discussed using music as an outlet, as I’ve had issues connected my music/lyrics to my emotions. The lyrical content is a bit heavy subject matter, so if you’re the type that needs a trigger warning, it does deal with suicidal thoughts. (Don’t worry, I’ve got like 20 people checking on me at all times right now.

If ya dig Floyd, you should probably dig this. Definitely some Floyd Easter eggs in there. Guitar was all my Classic 50’s Strat with an SSL5 and a Breedlove acoustic. This song fell out of me in about 20 minute; it’s mostly first takes and the vocals were 95% improvised as I tracked them, namely the bridge. This is part of my one-man-band project, Volatile Gentleman.

Hope ya digs!

 
Great writing, arrangement, playing and sound. You have an awesome voice as well!
Keep writing and recording no matter what. I’m sorry to hear about circumstances that sound very serious, and I can only wish that you find a way forward……..
 
Thanks for all the kind words, gents!

Things are ok for now….I feel like I’m past the worst of it. Already have a lot of plans for the future and was happy to find I didn’t need to seek out any rebounds this time around, like I did in my single days when I’d break up with a chick. Seems I’ve had a couple friends who were, respectfully, waiting on the sidelines for this to happen and have been all too eager to let me know I’m in good hands once the divorce is final.

Initially, the idea of being with someone else made me ill…..but….I’m quickly remembering that excitement of bagging a new one. :D
 
You know how I feel about that tune---so I won't rehash any accolades and appreciation
I have previously expressed. But yeah, bad ass! :)

Break-ups suck balls. Specifically, dirty donkey balls soaked in urine.

I don't really know how to cope, deal, heal, or any of that crap. Thank goodness for music
and self-expression, though. I am sure it helps, even if it doesn't feel like it much of the time.

You are a super-talented and creative person, and no one can take that away. Nor any of the
passion and countless hours you have poured into your craft. A dude could hang his hat on
that. :)
 
la noise said:
You know how I feel about that tune---so I won't rehash any accolades and appreciation
I have previously expressed. But yeah, bad ass! :)

Break-ups suck balls. Specifically, dirty donkey balls soaked in urine.

I don't really know how to cope, deal, heal, or any of that crap. Thank goodness for music
and self-expression, though. I am sure it helps, even if it doesn't feel like it much of the time.

You are a super-talented and creative person, and no one can take that away. Nor any of the
passion and countless hours you have poured into your craft. A dude could hang his hat on
that. :)
Click to expand...

Thanks man, that's really kind of you.

I've got too many responsibilities with work to perform my usual coping methods (lots of drugs) and I'm grown out of that now anyway (aside from my regular hallucinogenic experiences I use to keep me in check every few months that have been remarkably life changing).

I've been getting in here (studio) more and more and while I haven't been massively productive, I can usually get out a chorus idea or chord progression for the future. Last night I just sat in here, got tanked and tore up a bunch of Pantera, Mudvayne and Tool songs at like 120db.

I've only posted that song in 3 different places and the feedback I've gotten alone has been really uplifting. It's up to almost 400 plays already, I was expecting maybe 25. :D It's given me some drive to keep going and getting my music out there.

Really, thanks again for the kind words. Might not seem like much but trust me, it's huge.
 
LancerS said:
Enjoyed that...I'll just tell you there are no mistakes-something better for you is out there waiting.
Click to expand...

You’re certainly correct about that.

Ultimately, in this situation, I did everything that was asked of me and then some. My conscious is perfectly clear in all of this and some nights, that’s the only thing that’s put my mind at ease.
 
RevDrucifer said:
So a few months back I found out some devastating news that seems like it’s finally caught up to me with no way of getting out of it. This crush me at the beginning of the year and has continued to do so. I’ve been in therapy and we’ve discussed using music as an outlet, as I’ve had issues connected my music/lyrics to my emotions. The lyrical content is a bit heavy subject matter, so if you’re the type that needs a trigger warning, it does deal with suicidal thoughts. (Don’t worry, I’ve got like 20 people checking on me at all times right now.

If ya dig Floyd, you should probably dig this. Definitely some Floyd Easter eggs in there. Guitar was all my Classic 50’s Strat with an SSL5 and a Breedlove acoustic. This song fell out of me in about 20 minute; it’s mostly first takes and the vocals were 95% improvised as I tracked them, namely the bridge. This is part of my one-man-band project, Volatile Gentleman.

Hope ya digs!

Click to expand...

Yeah man!! Nice song!!! Gritty!! Nice dynamics and tones. All the best music always comes from a real personal experience, so you should milk this situation and make all the music that you can juice out of it! Hope things get better soon
 
I listened in the last days a few times to this and it's really a great song with a lot of depth and dynamics. Certainly with Floyd vibe (Ummagumma/Meddle era) and it's hard to believe that it is mostly first takes.
If you read the biographies of great artists you find quite often that they were suffering and used this as a drive to paint, write, compose etc.
I don't think that suffering is essential for artistic work, but it is for sure a good way to change negative energy into something constructive/positive.
I hope that you get well soon, but nevertheless keep on bringing out such good music.
 
You packed a lot of feelings and emotion into that, along with a good arrangement around it. It communicates. You should be proud of it, and I think it’ll speak to people feeling similar things. You might be helping someone else through a tough time too, and that’s a great way to get yourself to a better place.
 
Man, I really wasn’t expecting the response I’ve gotten from this. That alone has been tremendous over these last couple of weeks, so thank you all, truly.

It’s been a crazy 17 months and yesterday I threw in the towel in regards to fixing the marriage. What a weight off my shoulders. I’ll spare the details, but once I waived that flag, my wife admitted she wanted out last year but didn’t have the heart to tell me. I’m choosing not to be angry, because we can only use the tools we have at the time we need to use them and she just didn’t have the tools to do this the right way. Ensuring we have a friendship in our future is my only goal with her at this point. Last night was one of the best nights we‘ve had in a long time and it was completely due to having this weight off our shoulders.

I’ve now met my two biggest fears in life; our dog died unexpectedly when I was a thousand miles away and couldn’t be there and my wife lost the spark in her eyes she used to have for me. I’m still standing, so I very much have a “Bring it on, motherfucker!”, outlook on life now. The worst days are behind me and I’m so focused on the positives that are going to arise from this that I’m not allowing doubt and negativity to interfere.

Really, my only fear in life at this point is not realizing my full potential. Should have been my biggest fear from the start, but some things take a while to learn.

Thanks again, everyone. It’s amazing how some kind words from strangers can have a truly positive effect on you (and negative if you allow). I’m glad you’re all digging the tune and hopefully I put out a few more ya’ll dig.

For shits and giggles, this is another one I wrote a couple years back, pre Axe-FX days. This is another one that was basically improvised from start to finish….I just keep adding stuff to it until I think it’s “done”. I was dicking with the dotted 8th delay and this fell out. I was definitely going for a more A Perfect Circle vibe with this.

 
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