Dad Jokes

Did you hear? Inside my box of Lucky Charms was another box of Pot 'o Gold chocolates. I thought to myself, I must be dreaming. Apparently, I was because no leprechaun was in sight at any time during this, sneaky as they may be...
 
For the venerated reality of St. Patrick's Day, the legend is that St. Patrick drove all the venomous snakes out of Ireland. This, in fact, was merely an allegory for St. Patrick driving out all of the heathen and pagan practices from Ireland. There is no record of St. Patrick driving out actual snakes, because actual snakes were not known to inhabit the region.

St. Patrick's Day proper was celebrated as a day of Christian obligation for Irish Catholics as early as the ninth and tenth century A.D. and was written into the liturgy of the Anglican Church by the 1600's.

The local draw for St. Patrick's Day is to visit your local Irish pub and watch a Boston Celtics game with your buddies. Invariably, there will be the obligatory green beer, corned beef and cabbage, and soda bread. If perhaps you find yourself straggling home late Sunday night, please be advised that the local gendarmes will be watching for folks who may have had little too much Sunday.

Heathen practices aside, the purpose of St. Patrick's Day was a manifesto of a cleansing of pagan practices that had mixed with Christian practices. Much like the ancient kings mentioned in Bible times, St. Patrick was doing exactly what good kings did when their subjects had fallen away from observing the "law."

Yet, instead, St. Patrick's Day became steeped in tradition and celebration, with feasting and drinking. What had originally been purposed as a day of celebration of some "church housecleaning," became one of feasting and drinking because the wife had cleaned the house prior to your guests arriving.
 
Thanks. My youngest brother and I will soon collaborate on his weight loss project for his knee surgery in July. My younger brother suggested I step up and assist my youngest by offering to cook some low-calorie meals. My youngest brother's doctors suggested seafood and chicken salads for lunch and dinner 5 days a week, then a cheat day of a dinner if necessary.

If youngest brother can supply the poultry or seafood, I can handle the rest with the meal prep. My first thought is roasting a whole Purdue 7 lb but halving it first and marinating with various herbs ands spices and yogurt, etc. Makes for a really good oven-BBQ'd flavor. He can either portion the halved chickens into shredded, or pieces as desired.
 
bleujazz3 said:
For the venerated reality of St. Patrick's Day, the legend is that St. Patrick drove all the venomous snakes out of Ireland. This, in fact, was merely an allegory for St. Patrick driving out all of the heathen and pagan practices from Ireland. There is no record of St. Patrick driving out actual snakes, because actual snakes were not known to inhabit the region.

St. Patrick's Day proper was celebrated as a day of Christian obligation for Irish Catholics as early as the ninth and tenth century A.D. and was written into the liturgy of the Anglican Church by the 1600's.

The local draw for St. Patrick's Day is to visit your local Irish pub and watch a Boston Celtics game with your buddies. Invariably, there will be the obligatory green beer, corned beef and cabbage, and soda bread. If perhaps you find yourself straggling home late Sunday night, please be advised that the local gendarmes will be watching for folks who may have had little too much Sunday.

Heathen practices aside, the purpose of St. Patrick's Day was a manifesto of a cleansing of pagan practices that had mixed with Christian practices. Much like the ancient kings mentioned in Bible times, St. Patrick was doing exactly what good kings did when their subjects had fallen away from observing the "law."

Yet, instead, St. Patrick's Day became steeped in tradition and celebration, with feasting and drinking. What had originally been purposed as a day of celebration of some "church housecleaning," became one of feasting and drinking because the wife had cleaned the house prior to your guests arriving.
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Unless that man was a dad, he probably didn’t think this was too funny: “Yesterday, a clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
 
An Irishman visits the doctor, who diagnoses some heart issues. .
The doctor prescribes tablets with specific instructions:
“Take one on Monday, skip Tuesday, take one on Wednesday, skip Thursday, and so on.”
Two weeks later, the doctor encounters the patient’s wife.
He inquires about her husband’s health.
Mrs. Murphy replies, “Oh, he died of a heart attack.”
The doctor, surprised, says, “But I thought the tablets would help!”
Mrs. Murphy chuckles, "The tablets were fine. It was all the bloody skipping that killed him!
 
Ok, being Irish...
Here you go Laddie's...
It's a bit of a wee read...

In a Interview, an Irishman went for an interview with one of the major dot.com companies.
When the interview was over, the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test.
The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman.
“Could you please show me a clever way to make this into nine?”
After thinking for a while, the Irishman took the pencil, drew a canopy of leaves on top of the three pairs of lines, and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: “But that is not nine!”
“Oh yes, it is”, said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, “Tree + Tree + Tree make nine!”
The interviewer returned the paper to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99.
After thinking for a long while, the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: “But that is not ninety-nine!” “Oh yes, it is”, said the Irishman, “Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety-nine.”
The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off, so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all; therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100.
After thinking for a considerably longer time, the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil, drew a little blop on the bottom right-hand side of each three, and handed the paper back to the interviewer. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: “But that is not 100!”
“Oh yes, it most certainly is”, said the Irishman with a much broader Irish accent,
“Dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and turd + dirty tree and a turd, make a 100
6) A short Irish joke: Old man Murphy
Old man Murphy and old man Sean were contemplating life when Murphy asked, “If you had to get one or the other, would you instead get Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s?
“Sure, I rather have Parkinson’s”, replied Sean
“‘Tis better to spill a couple of ounces of Jameson whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!”
 
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