Help me quit the band

iaresee

iaresee

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We lost our drummer to an East coast job and the a month later our singer decided to hang it up to focus on life stuff. We've been limping along ever since. The effort required to piece it all back together is just more than I can shoulder right now and the rest of the band is kind of avoiding stepping in to take charge of replacing the missing members.

We've gotten a full band together for a rehearsal once in the last three months. And we've turned down every gig we've been offered since August because we don't have a singer or drummer who can cover a whole night spun up yet.

We had some amazingly excellent times over the past 6 years. Truly the best band I've ever played with and just wonderfully nice people all around. I'm going to disappoint them and knowing that is keeping me around.

It's time. I know it's time.

I want to do it nice. It's me. It's not them.

Sigh.
 
i would just say exactly what you just told us to them. that's a lot of work to do for everyone. you're not leaving because of the needed work, but rather that the band just seems to be done. i wouldn't say it's you or them generally, but the situation.

take a break, find other musicians, create something new. maybe you guys will even get back together in another form.

but i'd say just cut it now for everyone, rather than limping along, partially working on the band while at the same time not taking gigs. sometimes letting go fully is what opens us up to new, better things.
 

If all you need is a singer and new drummer, sounds like you're at least half way to a whole new band already. :cool: and the world needs more music not less.
 
I agree with the first part of what Chris said: lay it out as you did here. Then ask them if they are willing to step up and share the weight.

As the founder (and as of a year ago, the last original member) of an original band that has been going for 25+ years, I've been in that spot too many times.

When the drummer (the other founding member, and my musical partner for all that time) could no longer commit, I almost pulled the plug. But the rest of the band was very encouraging in wanting to continue.

And we did... And the band plays on! ;)
 
I agree w/ both Chris and unix-guy... just tell them honestly where you're at. And at the same time, things have their seasons and maybe the time has come to let this one go.
 
iaresee said:
We lost our drummer to an East coast job and the a month later our singer decided to hang it up to focus on life stuff. We've been limping along ever since. The effort required to piece it all back together is just more than I can shoulder right now and the rest of the band is kind of avoiding stepping in to take charge of replacing the missing members.

We've gotten a full band together for a rehearsal once in the last three months. And we've turned down every gig we've been offered since August because we don't have a singer or drummer who can cover a whole night spun up yet.

We had some amazingly excellent times over the past 6 years. Truly the best band I've ever played with and just wonderfully nice people all around. I'm going to disappoint them and knowing that is keeping me around.

It's time. I know it's time.

I want to do it nice. It's me. It's not them.

Sigh.
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I looked up the names of the members of your band on your band’s page, and sent them an email. Done. Just be careful when you start your car, just till things blow over. :cool:
 
Like most relationships more than likely you’re not the only one that feels the magic is gone. I have a friend that left a 6 piece cover band years ago that had stayed together for many years. Sweated over it then sent out an email explaining why he wanted to leave the band. Within 10 minutes two others replied they also wanted to take that opportunity to call it quits
 
The 6 piece band I'm with has had 21 different members over it's 25+ year lifespan to date with zero fallouts when someone gave notice they were leaving. Some previous leavers have returned to dep for a few gigs until a new full time member can be found .... it's just the local musician scene way of things

It's inevitable that band musicians move around whether it's due to quiet times/lack of work, a new project or just life in general. Getting together with an incomplete line up even if you hold the others in high regard as buddies is always going to drag you down if gigs are the goal.

I'd just say to the others what you're thinking ..... it's always better to say it sooner than later - the only time a grudge might possibly happen would be if you'd secretly auditioned and got offered a spot in another band before saying anything.
 
O bands may come and bands may go
And my best one is gone I know
And if it don’t come back to me
I’ll have to noodle Fractally
Gimme Frac tone and I don’t care
Gimme Frac tone and I don’t care
Gimme Frac tone and I don’t care
To the basement I will go

Not making light of your predicament Ian. Just thought you might be able to have a smile.
 
Thanks for the all the replies. The humor and insight from the crowd here are always appreciated.

For the curious: I didn't quit. I said I needed a break to focus on other things (I am in a new job at a new company and that's drawing a lot of my attention). Said I'd keep paying my share of the rent but that if I was impeding goals they had for the band, I understood if they'd rather I just step aside entirely. And that I'd be back in January after things settled down if they'd be okay with that.
 
pauly said:
I reckon you just need to accept a gig - As it's been a while, you may have just lost touch with the 'why'.
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If we had a singer and drummer coming up I'd totally be into this kind of hard push approach. But were struggling to find people to fill those vacant spots.
 
USMC_Trev said:
I'm sure they know it's coming unless they're profoundly myopic.
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Well, email sent -- so we'll see. I suspect they mostly feel the same. That we're floundering and no one wants to be the one who tips into totally falling apart.
 
You need one last gig. Do it with as little preparation as possible. This way you have the catalyst for the big blow up. Hopefully folks get drunk. The big blow up is always better if alcohol is involved. No smoking weed, we wouldn't want reason to win the day. When the gig starts going south, everyone needs to start drinking more. Don't hold back. Let tempers flare. Quietly cover up your Fractal gear and get your guitars in a defensible position. Then, start yelling into the mic how none of the other losers were stepping up to the plate and how you're tired of carrying their sorry asses. Knock something over that's not yours but doesn't cost too much either. You want to get things rolling as cheaply as possible.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
 
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