Who Else Struggles With Their Nerves?

TSJMajesty

TSJMajesty

Fractal Fanatic
I've always had issues with getting nervous when playing for others. I have to get control of it sort of in stages. First, I have to get comfortable just playing in front of someone, anyone, even if it's just a friend who comes over. Then, it's rehearsing with other musicians. Then it's getting on stage to play. Then it'll be that challenging solo.

Until I can get past this "stage-fright" thing, it's so bad my hands will literally shake. I cannot help it. But as I get comfortable along each step of the way, it passes, and I get control of it. But it takes a lot of times doing it. Like if I was to get together with some new guys, say if I were to audition for a band, I'd have to play with them several times before my nerves would relax. And it wouldn't even matter if I happened to be the best musician in the room. Once I get to the point where I'm always relaxed during rehearsals, then the same kind of nervousness gets me all over again the first time we play out. Fortunately it's not as bad as when I first play with a band, but it still takes several songs before I settle down, and many gigs before it all but goes away.

So tonight I tried for the 2nd time to make just a simple, short video on my phone, and my hands started shaking til I was just fucking up. Just making a stupid phone VIDEO!! I can't even convince myself mentally that it's no big deal, because if I don't get it right, I can delete the video, and do it again! UFB! The only thing that makes it go away is repetition. Being able to play whatever it is at a tempo beyond my comfort zone helps, but is still no guarantee. I hate this part of me.

I'm sure I'm not alone in dealing with nerves, so I'm curious to what extent this issue affects others, and how you deal with it. Because if I do end up getting back into playing with other musicians, in any capacity, I want to get this under control. At least a lot better than it is. It surprises my musician friends that I get it as bad as I do.
 
Some people like the big stage and soak up the limelight. Others get physically ill even thinking about going on stage or performing in front of anyone. I am closer to the latter crowd, I get stage fright all the time.

The biggest thing I realized, at least for me, is that "stage fright" doesn't go away. I've been playing live every week for almost 20 years and I still get nervous going on stage. My legs shake like noodles when I have a 'big' solo, ala the Star Spangled Banner, but I've learned how my body reacts and learned to play through it.

Don't spend any more time trying to get it to stop and feeling like all you have to do is be strong enough and it will go away. The worst thing you can do is get frustrated because that just increases or heightens your emotional state which leads to more anxiety. When it happens, really pay attention to what your body is doing; are you sweating, feeling light headed, shaking, all of the above?

If you sweat, especially your hands, use picks that have extra grip. I keep a Dunlop Max Grip in my pocket for just this reason. Legs start shaking, widen your stance and give yourself the most stable platform with your legs and feet. Body or limbs start trembling, get into the rock stance and move with the music. Exert as much control over your body as you are able. Allowing it to do what it wants will only make it worse.

You are not weak, inexperienced or a failure for feeling any form of stage fright. It happens to more players than you know.
 
Nerves are because we’re afraid, but what we’re afraid of varies from person to person.

I played for years with a couple bands in the same venues without problems, but then switched to a different band in new places, and my nerves kicked in. I don’t know how I decided it, but I’d pretend there was a shield at the edge of the stage I could see out of, but the audience couldn’t see through. Then I could play and jump around and have fun and “they” couldn’t see. And eventually it stopped bothering me, mostly.

Now, what gets me is when I haven’t played for several days for whatever reason and I’m not feeling confident. It’ll take a couple songs to warm up, and then the amp and guitar are singing and we’re laughing on stage, I feel good again, and the night is good.
 
I suffer somewhat from nerves. I can play with a group and be totally fine, not a care. Sometimes though I'll work up a solo performance and that's a different ball game. I can nail it perfectly at home and then on the day of I can literally feel the blood draining from my hand. It's very frustrating. I'm taking a tip from Tim Pierce though and on those times I try to arrive extra early to settle in and get comfortable.

Some performers play mental games. Have you ever seen performers appearing angry (for no apparent reason)? I think that's a coping mechanism. They treat the audience as an adversary and are intent on not being beat.

I've seen some even play with their back to the audience.

Whatever works.
 
fcs101 said:
[…]
Some performers play mental games. Have you ever seen performers appearing angry (for no apparent reason)? I think that's a coping mechanism. They treat the audience as an adversary and are intent on not being beat.

I've seen some even play with their back to the audience.

Whatever works.
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And then there are the ones who drink or take drugs trying to cope. It makes me sad that the thing they love is also the thing they fear and we've lost so many amazing ones because they couldn't work their way through it.
 
Xanax works wonders, but do not drink alcohol when taking it. Deep breathing, meditation/relaxation techniques and physical exercise helps a lot too. Your sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight response) is kicking in. Sometimes giving your body an outlet for that nervous energy can help slow your roll. It's pretty much trial and error to find what works for you. I deal with a lot of anxiety and panic issues, not just on stage, but in everyday life. Have since college and I wouldn't wish this crap on my worst enemies. Seeking professional help is never a bad idea as well. Talking about it is one of the best things to scare away the boogie man. Men especially tend to bottle this kind of crap up and pretend to be all macho and strong. That's a huge reason why there's so many drunks and drug addicts out there. They're trying to cope and are too scared, embarrassed, or stubborn to ask for help.
 
fcs101 said:
I'm taking a tip from Tim Pierce though and on those times I try to arrive extra early to settle in and get comfortable.



Whatever works.
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The worst time for me has always been between arrival/setup and waiting to play, so I am the opposite
and show up as late as I can without pissing everyone off. :)

Just find that I get all that energy bottled up and it is best for me to show up when I can unleash it as
soon as possible.

But yeah, whatever works.... and sometimes it is a LOT of trial and error and what works for one may not
for another.
 
TSJMajesty said:
I've always had issues with getting nervous when playing for others. I have to get control of it sort of in stages. First, I have to get comfortable just playing in front of someone, anyone, even if it's just a friend who comes over. Then, it's rehearsing with other musicians. Then it's getting on stage to play. Then it'll be that challenging solo.

Until I can get past this "stage-fright" thing, it's so bad my hands will literally shake. I cannot help it. But as I get comfortable along each step of the way, it passes, and I get control of it. But it takes a lot of times doing it. Like if I was to get together with some new guys, say if I were to audition for a band, I'd have to play with them several times before my nerves would relax. And it wouldn't even matter if I happened to be the best musician in the room. Once I get to the point where I'm always relaxed during rehearsals, then the same kind of nervousness gets me all over again the first time we play out. Fortunately it's not as bad as when I first play with a band, but it still takes several songs before I settle down, and many gigs before it all but goes away.

So tonight I tried for the 2nd time to make just a simple, short video on my phone, and my hands started shaking til I was just fucking up. Just making a stupid phone VIDEO!! I can't even convince myself mentally that it's no big deal, because if I don't get it right, I can delete the video, and do it again! UFB! The only thing that makes it go away is repetition. Being able to play whatever it is at a tempo beyond my comfort zone helps, but is still no guarantee. I hate this part of me.

I'm sure I'm not alone in dealing with nerves, so I'm curious to what extent this issue affects others, and how you deal with it. Because if I do end up getting back into playing with other musicians, in any capacity, I want to get this under control. At least a lot better than it is. It surprises my musician friends that I get it as bad as I do.
Click to expand...

In 1988-9 I was in a killer power trio. We had songs written, had them all prepped, and then we booked studio time.
It was just a 4 song demo, but it was a nice place. As soon as we booked the studio time our drummer lost it. He'd mess
up in ways at rehearsal that he never did. Hell, simple cover songs suddenly became a struggle for. And the more he
messed up (even as the other two of us tried to reassure him) the more he tightened up, which means the more he messed
up. It was a vicious cycle. It was like playing with a different person than we had known. The closer we got to going into the
studio the worse it became. We still kept our faith and we all went to the studio to track. We would play together live in
the main room, keep the drums, and then redo guitars, bass, and vocals--as needed.

Poor guy couldn't get 16 bars. Even then he was stiff and you could just feel his energy. He was tight and he knew he was
going to fuck up. And he did. We never made it through songs with drum parts he wrote and had performed flawlessly
until we decided "Let's go do a demo."

We had to shift and get the studio owner to learn our tunes and play drums (out of the kindness of his heart). It wasn't
the same, though. I graduated High School with that drummer. We hung out all the time. When I was free of my military
obligation I moved back to my hometown and he had a room in his house waiting for me, and we were going to start a
band like we always dreamed of in High School.

He never recovered. I think it broke his spirit for playing music and he couldn't just let go and trust himself. He wasn't
"just playing" like he always used to. He was "thinking about what he was playing" which made him indecisive and late.
Not good for a drummer. :)

It sucks because I didn't know how to help him, and I felt like when we replaced him---while we were literally recording---it
was kind of a betrayal of our friendship.

Talented guy, but since that time when we were in our early to mid-20s he has never really done anything since. It's sad that
something can be that debilitating for someone---to the point that it takes the joy out of something that is supposed to be
joyouos by nature. :(
 
There was a time when I'd be nervous playing in front of an audience, but I learned some coping mechanisms.

1. Separate the fantasy from the reality. You're not a young child pretending to ride on the back of a butterfly. You might, however, enjoy riding a horse. Which is more real to you? The fantasy, or the reality?

2. Realize that if you're comparatively new to a venue or open-mic, you might not feel comfortable within the environment. To help solve that, visit the venue several times before you actually hope to play as a guest with a house band, or as a musician/singer. Try to learn how the house band interacts with the audience, what cues you can take home, and how you might bring something of value to the venue when you can play.

3. Preparation is key. Unless you can be confident with what you offer to the venue, your music set will not turn out well. There are many things you can imitate that will prove beneficial to you. Just remember, that sometimes it's best at first to be part of the crowd before you make a name for yourself by not being part of the crowd. There are many behaviors that will help you improve your musicianship. There are equally, if not more behaviors that will lead you astray from serving the greater good.

4. While it is "OK" to provide some background monologue that is designed to enhance you performance, remember that it is also wise to display some self-control and refrain from trying to be the "life of the party." Doing so might create unnecessary tensions among artists who might feel jealousy or animosity from your being too overt or inappropriately intimate with audience members. In other words, be professional, not a hipster trying to fit in.

5. This may seem somewhat obvious, but be kind to others and be generous with your praise. If someone else suffers similar feelings of nervousness, it's OK to let them know you have similar feelings sometimes offstage. Just don't pour your whole life out for all to hear. That might cause the audience to pity you instead of applauding your good work. When others perform, remember that they may also have felt in the past the way you do now. If someone else does a good job with their performance, why not ask them how they overcame their nervousness on stage?

6. Lastly, be sure to thank the host and house band for allowing you your time at the venue. And most of all, don't be afraid to ask viewpoint questions that require more than a "yes" or "no." Most working musicians who perform regularly have an abundance of ready knowledge they draw upon when playing gigs. Asking viewpoint questions is like "drawing up water from a deep well." What is really enjoyable is taking a sip of that refreshing clean water once you've learned something new.
 
la noise said:
In 1988-9 I was in a killer power trio. We had songs written, had them all prepped, and then we booked studio time.
It was just a 4 song demo, but it was a nice place. As soon as we booked the studio time our drummer lost it. He'd mess
up in ways at rehearsal that he never did. Hell, simple cover songs suddenly became a struggle for. And the more he
messed up (even as the other two of us tried to reassure him) the more he tightened up, which means the more he messed
up. It was a vicious cycle. It was like playing with a different person than we had known. The closer we got to going into the
studio the worse it became. We still kept our faith and we all went to the studio to track. We would play together live in
the main room, keep the drums, and then redo guitars, bass, and vocals--as needed.

Poor guy couldn't get 16 bars. Even then he was stiff and you could just feel his energy. He was tight and he knew he was
going to fuck up. And he did. We never made it through songs with drum parts he wrote and had performed flawlessly
until we decided "Let's go do a demo."

We had to shift and get the studio owner to learn our tunes and play drums (out of the kindness of his heart). It wasn't
the same, though. I graduated High School with that drummer. We hung out all the time. When I was free of my military
obligation I moved back to my hometown and he had a room in his house waiting for me, and we were going to start a
band like we always dreamed of in High School.

He never recovered. I think it broke his spirit for playing music and he couldn't just let go and trust himself. He wasn't
"just playing" like he always used to. He was "thinking about what he was playing" which made him indecisive and late.
Not good for a drummer. :)

It sucks because I didn't know how to help him, and I felt like when we replaced him---while we were literally recording---it
was kind of a betrayal of our friendship.

Talented guy, but since that time when we were in our early to mid-20s he has never really done anything since. It's sad that
something can be that debilitating for someone---to the point that it takes the joy out of something that is supposed to be
joyouos by nature. :(
Click to expand...
Wow!!! That's the worst I've ever heard. Whew! Thankfully mine's no where near that bad. I always get through it, once I'm used to the situation. Plus, I know being confident also takes care of it for me, which is a reason I'm so focused on getting my playing to a certain level. The licks that I wanted to video, I don't have them down, so I'm sure just that subconscious aspect was enough to make me nervous.

I guess writing it out and reading the responses so far has made me think it through a bit more, to the point that I realize that, for myself, it's partly about familiarity as well (leading to confidence), familiarity with the people I'm playing with, the songs, the guitar itself..., all of it.
 
TSJMajesty said:
Wow!!! That's the worst I've ever heard. Whew! Thankfully mine's no where near that bad. I always get through it, once I'm used to the situation. Plus, I know being confident also takes care of it for me, which is a reason I'm so focused on getting my playing to a certain level. The licks that I wanted to video, I don't have them down, so I'm sure just that subconscious aspect was enough to make me nervous.

I guess writing it out and reading the responses so far has made me think it through a bit more, to the point that I realize that, for myself, it's partly about familiarity as well (leading to confidence), familiarity with the people I'm playing with, the songs, the guitar itself..., all of it.
Click to expand...
The focus is intended to be on practice and preparation. Lack of confidence often stems from an insufficiency in these areas. Let's put it this way...if your name was Tom Brady and you knew that every time you stepped out onto a playing field, fans expected you to do the absolute best you could and provide them with a good game, could you do it?

TBH, I'm nowhere near that level, and can safely say most everyone else isn't either. But, I'm also not Jan Brady whom Peter hits every time he gets a little aggressive. In this case, a Snickers Bar satisfies.

(See? The humor does help you feel better...)
 
Great thread!

I remember my first gig my legs were so shaky I couldn't lift my foot to tap it. The guitar felt like a strange object in my hands. I played two or three more gigs and felt much better, mostly I think because of 1-2 pints. beforehand. Not a healthy habit :). I'm a total amateur, though, and in fact haven't been on stage in all the decades since.

Recently I've started taking 1-1 lessons for jazz and my teacher just suggested I start thinking about sitting in on jam sessions. The prospect scares the shit out of me!
 
My performance days are certainly behind me now, and though I have always felt comfortable onstage, I never lost that quasi-nervous thrill of anticipation pre-show, sorta that oldschool thing of channeling that into charismatic energy (Perhaps to mask my lack of actual chops..)
For me, the worst manifestations of stage fright or nervous situations is in dreamland, where some truly horrific onstage/backstage scenes have played out behind my REM-deprived eyelids……..
 
With me I try to analyze why I'm nervous. Usually it's the fear of someone else in the band messing up, me thinking too much about everyone else. If it's you that you are worried about, then work on the parts till you have them down pat. Practice standing up and playing, to disassociate yourself with that. IMHO YMMV.
 
Confidence is such an odd phenomena in life. Some of the best performers in history have lacked
it and suffered from crippling self-consciousness. At the same time, some of the worst performers
and moral idiots have confidence in spades. What gives??

I don't get it. I have seen guys who suck rock out with their cock out like they are someone they
clearly are not. Then there are those who have virtuoso like abilities and stay locked in their homes
or studios for fear of being outed as frauds.
 
Supposedly Jimi Hendrix was very self conscious and shy personally, but pretty much became another person on stage in front of an audience. Eddie Kramer said that he would cover up the windows in the vocal booth because he didn't want anyone watching him while he did his vocal tracks and he never felt like his singing was good enough. Talk about contrast. He always looked so at ease and relaxed on stage.
 
mr_fender said:
Xanax works wonders, but do not drink alcohol when taking it. Deep breathing, meditation/relaxation techniques and physical exercise helps a lot too. Your sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight response) is kicking in. Sometimes giving your body an outlet for that nervous energy can help slow your roll. It's pretty much trial and error to find what works for you. I deal with a lot of anxiety and panic issues, not just on stage, but in everyday life. Have since college and I wouldn't wish this crap on my worst enemies. Seeking professional help is never a bad idea as well. Talking about it is one of the best things to scare away the boogie man. Men especially tend to bottle this kind of crap up and pretend to be all macho and strong. That's a huge reason why there's so many drunks and drug addicts out there. They're trying to cope and are too scared, embarrassed, or stubborn to ask for help.
Click to expand...

Joe Bfstplk said:
The massive religious, social, and legal taboos for certain substances certainly doesn't help with this, either. Tons of things just need to change....
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IMHO, too often we try to treat the symptoms without looking at the root cause. If there were a way we could prevent nervousness, many would take to that and be happier. While nervousness is actually a form of anxiety, you need not be anxious if you have prepared and practiced beforehand.

Regards treating anxiety with medicine or treatment, simply go back a few steps and prepare/practice. Once you've done this, the confidence will return and the anxiety will be only temporary when you first step up on stage. Temporary anxiety is normal. It's the debilitating kind that can be prevented.

There are many non-medicinal/holisitic approaches to coping with anxiety. Your doctor can help you sort out what you might need to do without prescribing any meds or treatment plan.
 
la noise said:
Confidence is such an odd phenomena in life. Some of the best performers in history have lacked
it and suffered from crippling self-consciousness. At the same time, some of the worst performers
and moral idiots have confidence in spades. What gives??

I don't get it. I have seen guys who suck rock out with their cock out like they are someone they
clearly are not. Then there are those who have virtuoso like abilities and stay locked in their homes
or studios for fear of being outed as frauds.
Click to expand...
Joe Bonamassa had an interview with Tina Guo where they discuss basically developing a performance personality which they shift into when the time comes. I think that also goes hand-in-hand with his stage attire (suit and dark glasses).
 
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