The Bad/Corny Dad Joke Thread...

shredsquatch

shredsquatch

Inspired
Remember these should be mostly really bad or corny jokes and safe for work...

So did you know that 100% of people that drink water will die?
I don't like fat jokes, they just don't "workout".
I would do a car joke but I'm "exhausted".
If anyone has any veggie jokes "lettuce" know.
Why is there no gambling in Africa? There are too many "Cheetahs".
I tried standup once but got booed off the stage... I said that's the last time I'll tell my jokes at a Eulogy.

Thanks I'll be here all week... well maybe

I know you guys and gals have some good bad ones to add :D

~SS
 
How do you throw a party in space? You "planet."

Pulling up to the departures area at the airport with my wife. Skycap: "Carry your bag, sir?" Me: "No thanks, she can walk."

Arthur ran in to the grocery store, held up the first cash register he saw, found it was empty, and was so mad he choked the cashier. Second register also empty, choked the second cashier. Third register had only $1 in it, but he choked the third cashier anyway. The news headline: " 'Artie chokes' three for a dollar at the supermarket."
 
bkd_guitarist said:
How do you throw a party in space? You "planet."

Pulling up to the departures area at the airport with my wife. Skycap: "Carry your bag, sir?" Me: "No thanks, she can walk."

Arthur ran in to the grocery store, held up the first cash register he saw, found it was empty, and was so mad he choked the cashier. Second register also empty, choked the second cashier. Third register had only $1 in it, but he choked the third cashier anyway. The news headline: " 'Artie chokes' three for a dollar at the supermarket."
Click to expand...

AWESOME!!!
 
Magazine for the bad/corny dads that don't make the big decisions

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I grabbed an icicle from outside the other day and asked my daughter what it was. She looked at me, with the...'oh god, not another dad joke' look and said 'what?'

As I was 'tickling' her under the arm with the icicle, I said, 'it's an icetickle!'. Well, she absolutely lost it! :D
 
Here are some for use when someone is slow to tune during a gig...

... Porkchop walks into a bar. Bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve food."
... Fly walks into a bar and says "Is this stool taken?"
... A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.... now I guess that's not so bad
 
A flea and a fly in a flu.
In a tizzy didn't know what to do.
Said the flea "let us fly"
Said the fly, "let us flee"
So they flew through a flaw in the flu.
Burma Shave
 
How come if you stand in a library and shout 'Arrghh Oh my God!' everybody just looks at you, yet if you do it in an airplane everybody joins in?

An English man, a Scottish man and an Irish man walked into a bar. The barman said 'Is this some sort of a joke?'
 
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall down a cliff.
Baa-dum-pum-TSSSS.
----
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
When he asked who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach-Bach-Baaaaach."
----
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
---
I named my hard drive "dat ass" so once a month, my computer asks me if I want to "back dat ass up."
 
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