Relating to band members not as type A

cragginshred

cragginshred

Fractal Fanatic
This thread is for those of you who playing in bands who are either type A in terms of staying busy writing, gigging -Practicing and arriving to practice actually Prepared. This is me. I am active with several other hobbies which is healthy in numerous aspects, however I do not have kids and apart from a 40 hour work week and my other hobbies I have a lot of time to prep, find gigs practice ect.
Or maybe you are more laid back and have members in your band who are like this and can share how you keep the friction down and relate with them?

I have a really good job, tons of top shelf gear, my own studio on two acres -a blessed man. I do not bring this up to brag just to say I do not play for the $, but for fun. Being type A intense kinda guy (who at least is aware of it, many are not) I tend to take things too seriously and want to have a tight well rehearsed band which results in me getting irritated and upset with the other guys -whom I am blessed to play with and have in my life. Most bands I am willing to bet are not made up of 4-5 guys that share the same level of commitment or intensity other wise they would rip each others heads off.

So what is the best methods you have found in relating to the 'other' kind of musician? Wow, this sounds like marriage counseling eh?

Don
 
Yup, simply plan around their personalities. I had to do this back when I was in a band. The drawback however, is their lack of commitment held us back which ultimately lead to our demise.

It is super difficult to find other musicians who are on the same page and the kicker is, they don't all have to be type-A personalities; they simply have to enjoy music enough to take it seriously and commit.

I eventually gave up.
 
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From one type A to another:

I believe in the three "Ls". When faced with any working situation, when the going gets tough you have three choices:
1. Lobby for change
2. Live with it, or
3. Leave
The choice is complex.... But you have to ask yourself... After exhausting options 1 and 2, are you happy? What does your gut tell you?
Are you fulfilled musically?

Maybe you can negotiate an open relationship.
 
I'm type A to a limit. I was in a band where I did essentially everything except for vocals. Our vocalist did his part but nothing would happen if I wasn't the one doing things. It wears you down quickly and you start feeling used and restricted by bandmates holding you down. 7 years went by and we had the talk that if everyone worked as hard as I did we would be somewhere. That simply wasn't the case. I was still the last to quit.

IME there's nothing you can do to change personalities. Lazy people will be lazy. Find better band mates or start a solo project. :)
 
What I did not fully explain is the other 3 guys are married with 2 small kids each and one whose wife wears the pants. I am married with a Labrador pup (our kid)! The main caveat is I live in a small foothill community and most of the musicians up here do not have jobs, have crappy gear and have to gig to support their disability or some other similar dysfunctional situation. These guys all have great jobs and gear and are great guys.
Thus the main adjustment seems to be me chilling and not trying to be too over bearing with my work ethic which will just result in ruining a good thing.
 
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All too true! I think I used to be in your place. By day, maniacal software engineer/manager. By night, rock 'n' roller. I'll take a slightly roundabout path in responding...

First - it's a rare thing when the whole band is made up of talent at the same level, and when it is, it's great, AND it's painful. Invariably there is one (or more) prima donna with ego issues (plus or minus), that require that all communication is treated with extreme diplomacy. Also, there's the agenda issue: WHY are they playing in this band? Money (ha!)? Meet women/men? Become the next big thing - make it big? Or just have fun?

  • My experience tells me that unless you're operating at a regional or national level, you're likely not making significant money. Some will argue the $$ point, but could you live on it?
  • Being the next big thing is so remote unless you're either very lucky, or have a strategy mapped out to amplify your image and your product. Marketing, branding, showcases, etc. Not really every day band objectives (I realize this is up for debate).
  • Meet women/guys? Okay - that's fair. I know this is probably one of the best scenarios for people in bands. It's easy and fun to meet people.
  • Just have fun? I think this is one of the best reasons to do it, but there are even potential problems here ... (one guy's a perfectionist, the bass player just wants to drink beer and hang out, etc.)

My thinking is that everyone in the band has to be at least tolerant of others' motives in order for there to be low friction. If not, woe be the band's harmony.

The issue of type A vice not type A ...

I am a recovering type A. I like to think of myself as sort of a B- these days ;^} My years have taught me that you rarely will fundamentally change anyone. If the drummer speeds up, either get a different drummer, or learn to live with it. That's not to say he won't get better, just that you won't be the one to drive the change - he will (albeit perhaps at your suggestion), if he wants to. Being a type A, you might directly address the issue to the drummer, and if you're like me, the most well intentioned message comes out as 'you suck'. I have had to work for years to soften my approach. What seems to be logical comes out as rude. It's likely you'll really need to wrap things in a layer of nice-ness to deliver the message without damaging feelings.

To summarize my overly windy response:

- Try to make sure that your team/bandmates are all on the same, or at least compatible pages
- Go out of your way to suppress the type A response, and use a delayed, well considered, nice approach to making critiques.

As with anything, this advice is worth exactly what you paid for it... ;^}
 
It's not a bad thing to have someone pushing things along.

If you got all laid back you would likely see a greater detrimental effect on the band as a whole. I've nearly always played in bands that had the one with the big gob getting on your tits from time to time, but the other bands I played in that didn't have a motivator type member were, for me, not as satisfying to play in. When I knew I was under the microscope a bit I strove more and got a greater sense of achievement..

The fact that the other guys are raising kids is going to cause you frustration for sure ..... but it's unavoidable ...... rug rats take over your life and seriously alter your previous conceptions on the necessity of procreation..A sofa with a TV in front becomes a powerful magnet in the quiet moments. The current band (or nearly band) I'm in is just trying to get it on the road again after a 10 year lay off due to everyone starting families ...... we've all the same personalities as before ...... it's just waistlines, hairlines and worldworn faces that have changed.
 
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