Rating a Venue

Xrocker

Fractal Fanatic
In an effort to lighten things up around here I'll post a public service announcement for all working musicians on this forum.

Back in the 80's when Solo-Act and I were tearing up the 6 night road scene, we always wanted to determine the quality of the room we were booked in as quickly as possible. We had 2 fool proof methods.

1. Olives. The better the olives, the better the bar. If the waitress station was basically a salad bar that you could graze at during breaks it rated a solid 4 stars!

2. Urinal litmus test. Our most diabolical and most effective method. Every time one of us went to the mens room we would throw a few coins in the urinal. The higher quality the club the higher the total would get before someone would actually reach in and grab the money. If no one did there would be a nice tip for the janitor at the end of the night. We actually named some of the clubs after their results. "It's good to be back at the old 13 cents".

We would warn the waitresses not to accept change as tips!

Some day I'll tell you all of the fun we had taunting our arch enemy band "Electric Toy" and their groupies that we called the "Toy-lettes". :D
 
Heh my personal barometer of a venues worth is by how well they make a Ceasar...if they can craft one up that I really like they get a 5 star rating, even if they only have two clear lights to illuminate the band, while a buzzing neon bar sign on the back wall of the stage drives your equipment nuts and they 'just can't turn the sign off' ;-)
 
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Heh my personal barometer of a venues worth is by how well they make a Ceasar...
OMG...you play bars that actually have salad?!

I did a gig once with Xrocker at this dim, gloomy bar where we watched a steady trickle of strung-out people walk in the front door, vanish somewhere, and then appear minutes later walking back out of the bar again. After a couple sets he looked at me and said, "We should've just set up in the bathroom...".

Then of course I'll never forget a gig I got a female solo act once. There was only one person in the audience listening to her and he passed out sitting up, arms still laying on the table before him. The stage/seating area was located between the bar and a huge pool hall so people kept walking through there but no one stayed to listen. Eventually they discovered the dude was unconscious.

So as she stood there singing Blondie or something, they found a roll of duct tape, taped him to the table, took off to bar & pool hall, and that was her audience for the night...

I might be wrong, but I don't think they had Cesar salad ;-)
 
Nice. I always measured the value of a venue by the stickiness of the stage floor. Although I was torn as to what it meant, stickier = more punters having a good time, less sticky = higher class venue and more chance of my gear surviving :)

But salad?!?! Seriously?!?!?

:lol

Cheers.
 
OMG...you play bars that actually have salad?!

I might be wrong, but I don't think they had Cesar salad ;-)

LOL a Caesar is a spicy drink made from vodka, clamato juice, worcestershire sauce, tobasco sauce (just a drop or two), in a glass ringed with celery salt on the rim. To make a truly tasty one is an art...

From Wikipedia:

Basic preparation of a Caesar follows the "one, two, three, four" rule. The recipe calls for 1–1½ oz of vodka, two dashes of hot sauce, three dashes of salt and pepper, four dashes of Worcestershire sauce and topped with 4–6 oz of Clamato and served with ice.[6] The ingredients are poured into a glass rimmed with celery salt or a mixture of salt and pepper and garnished with a celery stalk and lime.[10] The Caesar is an unusual drink in that it can be mixed in bulk and stored for a period of time before drinking.[3]

I thought they were known/popular throughout the world, but Wikipedia says it is '...a cocktail created and primarily consumed in Canada.' Doh!

No, no gigs at salad bars for me ;-) Sorry for the confusion heh...
 
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