Nerd Humour

guitargeorge said:
Computer programmers work in a number of different number-bases (for example: binary; 2, octal; 8, decimal; 10 and hexadecimal; 16). So to avoid confusion, they often indicate which base they are working in by prefixing their numbers with the first three letters of the base name (bin, oct, dec, hex).
The decimal number 25 is 31 in octal, so Oct 31 = Dec 25.

Placement of values in decimal are (e.g.) 1000 100 10 1

Placement of values in octal are (e.g.) 512 64 8 1

Thus 31 in octal is (3x8 + 1), or 25 in decimal (2x10 + 5).
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That is one hell of a nerd joke, then ... :/
 
Two functions meet in a coordinate system:
One of them says: Get out of my way or I will derive you!!!
The other one says: You can kiss my ass... my name is "E to the X!!"


Two enigineers met and one of them noticed the others new bike and said: Where did you get such a great bike?
The other engineer replied: Well... yesterday I was walking through the park when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said: Take what you want!
The first engineer nodded approvingly: Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit"
 
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Alright, another oldie...


Last year a friend of mine upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialisation where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as Football 2.5, PubNight 7.0 and PokerNight 10.3 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release.

Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day. Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0.

A 'don't remind me again' button.
Minimise button
An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.
An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware probe feature to be much more useful.
I myself decided to avoid all the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. But even here, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/0 port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now.

To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.

BUG WARNING!! Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

BUG WORK-AROUNDS: To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.
 
Two engineers and a city maintenance worker are discussing life, the universe, and the nature of God.

"God is a mechanical engineer," says the mechanical engineer. "Just look at the human body. It's a mechanical marvel. The human heart is an amazing pump that lasts through a billion cycles. The joints are perfectly-lubricated bearings that can turn on all axes. Tendons even get out of each others' way. The body is a wonder of mechanical engineering."

"No way," says the electrical engineer. "God is totally an electrical engineer. Everything the human body does is orchestrated by electricity. Our deepest and most abstract thoughts are just electrical impulses. Even our muscles are electric motors. God is an electrical engineer."

Then the maintenance worker pipes up. "You guys are clueless. God is obviously a civil engineer. Who else would put a waste treatment facility that close to a major recreational area?"
 
My Father really was a rocket scientist. I once heard him say to a civil engineer that the world needed more of them. Aerospace engineers build rockets and civil engineers build targets.

This was the same guy who once told me that Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune would never be cancelled because they both fill vital needs.
Wheel of fortune makes stupid people feel smart and Jeopardy makes smart people feel stupid.
 
Two women were talking about sex and one said, "hey, do you smoke when you get finished"? The other one said, "I don't know, I've never looked".
 
Not really a nerd joke, but probably my favorite. Never wrote it out so I hope that it works.


Two guys are sitting beside each other on a long flight. After a while one of them gets bored and tries to strike up a conversation and notices that the guy sitting beside him has a black eye.

"Wow, that's a pretty odd coincidence that we're both going to the same place on the same day, on the same plane, on the same row and both have a black eye."

The other guy looks up and notices that in fact both do have a black eye.

"So how did you get your black eye?"

"Well funny that you should ask, it was a tongue twister."

"Tongue twister?"

"Yeah, I went to the travel agent last week. There was a beautiful girl working there and instead of saying can I get two tickets to Pittsburgh, I said can I get two pickets to Tittsburgh and she punched me in the eye."

"Oh my God, what a coincident, I got my black eye from a tongue twister too."

"Really, how?"

"Well I was eating breakfast with my wife last Sunday and instead of saying can you please pass me the sugar, I said, you ruined my life you f$%&# b%*%."
 
One day an engineer dies but instead of going to heaven (he was a good man after all) he accidentally got routed to hell. Upon hearing of the mistake St. Peter is disheartened and resigns himself to calling up Beelzebub to see if this mistake can be rectified. "Beelzebub, this is St. Peter at the pearly gates of heaven...I understand that an engineer has mistakenly been sent to hell. According to our long-standing agreement, you MUST send him back" says St. Peter. "Hmmm...is that so" replies the devil. "This guy has been here only a day and he's already fixed the air-conditioner in my office and he's making progress on fixing our plumbing system. Sorry, but this is one guy I don't want to give up." Incensed, St. Peter blurts out "you know what this means don't you? We'll have to take this to the Court of Heaven and let God decide!!" "Hmmm..." said the devil, and where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
 
OddManOut said:
One day an engineer dies but instead of going to heaven (he was a good man after all) he accidentally got routed to hell. Upon hearing of the mistake St. Peter is disheartened and resigns himself to calling up Beelzebub to see if this mistake can be rectified. "Beelzebub, this is St. Peter at the pearly gates of heaven...I understand that an engineer has mistakenly been sent to hell. According to our long-standing agreement, you MUST send him back" says St. Peter. "Hmmm...is that so" replies the devil. "This guy has been here only a day and he's already fixed the air-conditioner in my office and he's making progress on fixing our plumbing system. Sorry, but this is one guy I don't want to give up." Incensed, St. Peter blurts out "you know what this means don't you? We'll have to take this to the Court of Heaven and let God decide!!" "Hmmm..." said the devil, and where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Click to expand...

Great punch line! :encouragement: :lol


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Say this three times fast...
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12345678987654321 (12 quadrillion, 345 trillion, 678 billion, 987 million, 654 thousand, 321)

Wait! Palindromes are nothing special unless your Chef and posting some BOOB (hint hint Chef)
 
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