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Nerd Humour


Forum Addict
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek. lt’s Einstein’s turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten.

Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it.

Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims “Newton! I found you! You’re it!”

Newton smiles and says “You didn’t find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!”


... or in the early BSD days...

There are one hundred cats deposited on a desert island, along with one hundred pallets of cat food. All of the cats died of starvation. Why? (type: 'cat shit' at the shell prompt for the answer).

$ cat shit
cat: cannot open shit


A pool shark, an engineer, and a mathematician all have identical houses. One night because of an electrical storm, identical fires break out in each of the three houses.

Pool Shark: "If I bank it off of the lamp, and then the front window, this bucket of water should put it out". And he proceeds to do just that.

Engineer: "Based on the volume of the fire and the rate of its spread, I believe that 2.3L should put it out". And as he dropped the last of the water, the fire indeed went out.

Mathematician: Grabs a pencil and paper and scribbles furiously for 12 minutes and triumphantly yells "YES! YES! I could put it out!", and promptly returns to bed.

(Note: you probably have to know a math professor to get this ;^})


A doctor, lawyer, and a programmer are all having beers together at the local pub, when the doctor posits the question: "Is it better to have a wife or a mistress?"

The doctor continues that it's his belief that the mistress is the superior choice. "I'm at the hospital at all hours of the day and night, I never see my family, and besides, the nurses here are beautiful and they understand me".

The lawyer counters "I have a family practice, and I see the high rate of divorces. Heaven forbid that I should be caught in a compromising position with someone other than my wife! I could lose credibility in my practice, as well as possibly my marriage".

The programmer takes it all in and offers "I think it's best to have both. That way you can tell the wife you're with the mistress; tell the mistress your with the wife; and you can get into the lab and get some REAL work done!"


If ( StudioEquipment.Any(x => x.Brand == "Line6") )
throw new Exception("Invalid studio equipment : please rectify the problem before recording any music")


Progress in programming
A lot of progress has been made in the area of getting computers to write code. Our latest system is so advanced that when it runs into a road block it blames the previous computer.

Two atoms are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Wait, wait, we have to go back. I've lost an electron somewhere."
The second atom says, "Really? Are you sure?"

To which the first atom replies, "Yes. I'm positive."

It Happens
The red wire said to the black wire "Why are you so sad?"
The black wire replied "I've been grounded."


A young boy went to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.

Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a Million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'

So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'

The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'

The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million Bucks would buy?'

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and realistically'?'

The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on Three million dollars .

But 'realistically', we're just living with two hookers and a homo.


For the sake of it...............for the Open Source forum-members ;)

There are four engineers in a car; an electrical engineer,
a chemical engineer, a mechanical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.

Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and
the three engineers look at each other wondering what
could be wrong.

"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down
the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the
electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault
might have occurred.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars,
suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified
and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about
anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don't we
close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the
windows again, and maybe it'll work !?"
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I don't get it. Care to explain?
Computer programmers work in a number of different number-bases (for example: binary; 2, octal; 8, decimal; 10 and hexadecimal; 16). So to avoid confusion, they often indicate which base they are working in by prefixing their numbers with the first three letters of the base name (bin, oct, dec, hex).
The decimal number 25 is 31 in octal, so Oct 31 = Dec 25.

Placement of values in decimal are (e.g.) 1000 100 10 1

Placement of values in octal are (e.g.) 512 64 8 1

Thus 31 in octal is (3x8 + 1), or 25 in decimal (2x10 + 5).
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