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Joke Thread

DaveO

Power User
Question for you guys. How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?.
Once because as soon as you subtract 10 from 100 it now becomes 90 therefore you wouldn’t be subtracting 10 from 100 anymore you would be subtracting 10 from 90
 

painkiller

Experienced
My grandpa used to tell this joke. The scenario took place in the 80s (it won't happen today)

A French, a Brit and an American are standing in a harbour, arguing about submarines.

The French says:
"French submarine can stay submerged for five weeks..."

When the Brit interrupts him:
"That is nothing. Her majesty's submarines can stay under water for two months..."

When the American interrupts him:
"Well, you ain't see nothing yet. The American submarines can stay at the bottom of the ocean for half a year..."

... when all of a sudden, bubbles appear on the water. Slowly, a rusty German submarine rises from the waves. The hatch opens and the Kaleun appears. He points his machine-gun at the people and shouts: "You must all surrender! You are now prisoners of Germany!"

"But the war's been over for 40 years..."

"Really? Has it? Who won?"

"We did, you lost!"

The Kaleun shouts down the hatch "Willi, take down the picture of Kaiser Wilhelm!"
 

Narzugon

Power User
A man boarded an aircraft at LAX heading to NY. After taking his seat, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.

"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States ..."

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded," I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?" "Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Hispanic descent.

We have also found that the men with the best stamina are the American Rednecks." Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"

"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Gonzalas, but my friends call me Bubba."
 

guitarded

Experienced
Horses... pfffttt!! What a bunch of Nay-Sayers!!

I tried to share a bag of chips with a homeless person… he yelled at me and told me to buy my own chips!

My boss said… “this is the third time this week you’ve been late for work… do you know what that means?” – It’s Wednesday?
 

IFITYWYBMAD?

Inspired
A man and his wife are traveling by car through Oklahoma.

They continue to see signs “50 more miles to the Buffalo Ranch”,
“25 more miles”, “ 10 more miles”.

Finally the wife says lets stop and see some Buffalo.

They pull in and see a bunch of teepees and no Buffalos.

A brave with one feather comes out of his teepee.

The wife asked the brave why he has one feather.

The brave reply’s “ me have one squaw”.

A second brave with two feathers appears.

The wife asked him why he has two feathers.

The second brave reply’s “me have two squaws”

About this time the Chief comes out of his teepee wearing
his full headdress.

The wife asked why do you have so many feathers?

The Chief reply’s “ me have all squaws, fat squaws, skinny squaws,
me fuckem all squaws.

The wife reply’s “Oh dear”

The Chief reply’s “me no fuckem deer, run too fast and jump too high”
 
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