Not trying to talk you out of anything Andy, but I use real cabs and love them. Nothing else I've tried gives me the sound or the feel I need like my cab. That said, I agree...the further away from a cab you get, the more abrasive it can sound. BUT........
If you are hearing your cab with your band across the room, your stage volume is insane. Cabs are best mic'd using a mic that accentuates the cab in the right area as I'm sure you know. And when you mic St close range, you won't hear anything abrasive unless your sound guy is clueless.
Raw stage volume will kill not only your people watching you, but your ears. My volume is very low on stage. The reason being, I'd like my sound man to do his job. I either have him feed me through my vocal monitor or my in ears. This way no one hears any raw volume ever and the sound of my cab can shine through the PA.
Nothing in my opinion makes it worth it for me to leave my cab home. I've tried creating DI sounds to be sent to the mixer...though they were decent...huge difference using my cab.
I personally don't mind bringing a few Marshall 25 watt greenback cabs. It not only sounds better than anything else I've tried with my Axe-Fx, it looks cool to me.
Most of the time now though, I set my stuff up facing me from the side of the stage. I play in a Van Halen tribute band on the side where we have part of the 1984 stage plot. Cab props all over the stage. So we just side fill me and I'm never loud enough to bother anyone....but man does it sound great with my cab.
Tried the matrix and one other....and had a guy in my studio that brought something else....can't remember the name. But nothing topped my cab sound along with my Axe-Fx and AX8. They just sound and feel so much better with my cabs.
One more little thing to try if you haven't. Never eq any cab blowing at your knees. Especially a real cab. Always elevate it to ear level and eq that way. This way if you can hear yourself from a distance, it shouldn't be as bad because you compensated for some of the high end abrasiveness.
I can't tell you how many guys came and recorded in my studio thinking their tone was from God Himself.....until we mic'd them up and they heard what they REALLY sounded like. Once we eq'd them St ear level, their entire world changed for the better. Whatever you decide...best of luck.
-Danny