Dad Jokes

UetYLTs.jpg
 
Home Improvement Question:
Better to stay home, wash the windows and re-tile the kitchen & bathroom, or install household air conditioning?
And what is the difference between re-tile and amphibians, anyway?
 
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A frog walks in to a bank, and walks up to the teller, Ms. Wak.
The frog clears his throat and says, "Um excuse me, Ms, I'd like to take out a loan from your bank."
Ms. Wak looks over her glasses down at the frog, squints a little, and says, "Sir, I'll need some ID and collateral, if you've got it."
Frog says "Certainly! Here's my license, and my collateral."
Ms. Wak looks at the license, which says, "Kermit Jagger." The collateral is a tiny, perfectly formed, ceramic, pink elephant.
Ms. Wak asks, "You're Kermit Jagger?"
"Yes," replies the frog, "Mick is my step-Dad."
Ms. Wak adjusts her glasses and confiscates the elephant, and says, "I'll need to check with the bank manager."
Ms. Wak knocks lightly on the bank manager's door, and says, "May I have a minute?"
"Certainly, Patty, what is it?" the bank manager replies.
"Um, I don't know how to say this, but there's a frog in our lobby asking for a bank loan. His license reads, 'Kermit Jagger' and he's got this tiny ceramic elephant for collateral. What is this?"
Bank manager says, "Ah, it's a knick-knack, Patty Wak, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone."
Thanks, Norm!
 
From a Separate Forum:
What to Do if You Win the Megabucks Lottery:

Stay Home
Buy a Pizza
Watch 3rd Rock
Deposit $100 you saved on lottery tickets for that fake Rolex you had your eye on.
Realize that your chances of winning were less than 0.00000000000000000000000001% so it made better sense to put away your wallet and keep your $100 for more important things.
 
From a Separate Forum:
What to Do if You Win the Megabucks Lottery:

Stay Home
Buy a Pizza
Watch 3rd Rock
Deposit $100 you saved on lottery tickets for that fake Rolex you had your eye on.
Realize that your chances of winning were less than 0.00000000000000000000000001% so it made better sense to put away your wallet and keep your $100 for more important things.
I’m going to Disneyland! And McDonald’s!
 
Home Improvement Question:
Better to stay home, wash the windows and re-tile the kitchen & bathroom, or install household air conditioning?
And what is the difference between re-tile and amphibians, anyway?
I’m just waiting on the mega million drawing lol.

I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’ 🤣🥳
 
I’m just waiting on the mega million drawing lol.

I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’ 🤣🥳
TBH, I personally wouldn't know what to do with all that money. But guaranteed, I'd have a whole ton of new "best friends" asking for some of the winnings. That's why I'm folding my wallet, putting it away, and saving my cash for more important things. I would not envy anyone for winning, because that could lead to a long spacious road of future health issues.
 
You should eat out more often, Jack in the box has 2 tacos for $1
Our local town has only limited affordable restaurants, and I personally don't indulge in fast-food (BP/cholesterol concerns).

Fresh baked bread, olive oil, a variety of fresh sliced fruit, nuts, cheese, wine, and grilled chicken are my choices. It may not be everybody's choice, but it's the easiest to prepare and enjoy with friends when they gather...
 
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