Dad Jokes

[Ron_R]

I was in Florida, and saw a car with a bumper sticker reading "I miss the Bronx". So I broke the window, stole the radio, and left a note saying, "I hope this helps."

 

[Freds55]

Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Well, I'm not going to spread it!

 

[Freds55]

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

They say he made a mint!

 

[Freds55]

A cheese factory exploded in France.

Da brie is everywhere!

 

[fcs101]

Q: What do you call someone who plays racing games online?

A: An eraser!

 

[Habuman]

- Going to get a new job at the aquarium training a single dolphin.

- It is my sole porpoise in life.

 

[Freds55]

What is the tallest building in the world?

The library—it's got the most stories.

 

[Freds55]

I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up.
Good thymes.

 

[fcs101]

Q: What do you call someone with no social skills that has a Ph.D. in the history of palindromes?

A: Dr. Awkward!

 

[bleujazz3]

So when I proposed to her, I promised that I’d love and protect her, and that we’d always try to make good decisions together that would strengthen our marriage. So I gave her a ring for our engagement.

That was 2 years ago. At least the porch pirates haven’t been that much of a problem.

 

[pauly]

Bought a cake from the baker the other day for eight dollars.
All his other cakes were one dollar!
I asked, “why is my cake eight dollars while all the others are one dollar?”
He explained,
…
…
That’s Madeira cake!

 

[Freds55]

I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

 

[Freds55]

What do you call a fish with two knees?

A two-knee fish!

 

[grandinq]

Q: What do you call someone with no social skills that has a Ph.D. in the history of palindromes?

A: Dr. Awkward!

That, sir, is a deep dive!

 

[Freds55]

How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together!

 

[Freds55]

Did you hear about the bacon cheeseburger who couldn't stop telling jokes?

It was on a roll.

 

[fcs101]

Q: Why will knives never be obsolete?

A: They're cutting edge technology!

 

[Freds55]

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!

 

[fcs101]

Q: Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on their ships?

A: So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian!

 

[Freds55]

What's ET short for? Because he's only got tiny legs!