Dad Jokes

Husband: "How was holiday shopping, dear?"
Wife: "Don't start. And wait until I've had a glass of wine before we can speak peacefully."
Husband: "Something wrong?"
Wife: "Mmmm. Please wait until I've changed clothes, poured myself a glass, and put my feet up."
Husband: (Hums Final Jeopardy theme music)
Wife: (Returns from bedroom) "Phew. I'm not sure I can keep up with the neighbors this year. The holidays just seem so...stressful, that the meaning of the holiday is lost."
Husband: "You mean, "Ho, ho, ho" and presents and little girls?"
Wife: "When did you begin quoting Peanuts Christmas?"
Husband: "Contrary to popular belief, I listen to people when they have issues, and don't turn them away. The meaning of the holiday isn't so much about giving gifts and family time as it is about seeking peace and love in this troubled world of ours. That begins with us at home."
Wife: "Aw, you know just the right things to say."
Husband: "So tell me, what did you find and tell me you saved a bundle by being a savvy shopper."
Wife: "Well, it's a long story, so grab a beer from the fridge and we'll chat awhile..."

The End. And They Lived Happily Ever After.
 
bleujazz3 said:
Q: What happens when it's -15°F outdoors, you've let your car sit parked overnight, and your car battery is over 10 years old?

A: A brief letter to Santa asking for a new car battery.
Click to expand...
I want to here what kind of battery lasts 10 years lol 😆

I hate it when it won’t start an the hood is frozen shut with ice I smacked it with a tire iron lol.

I don’t miss those days…
 
In football, where do people go when they want something to eat during the game?
In baseball, where do people go when they want something to eat during the game?
If people wish to stretch their legs, and find some food, where do people go?"
A: The Refreshment Stand.
However, in the real world, it's the fridge, the pantry, or the kitchen at home.
 
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