Dad Jokes

[Freds55]

Why does Snoop Dog always love giving gifts to everyone?

Probably because he's very good at wrapping.

 

[Freds55]

What did the pig say on the beach?

I’m bacon! Lol

 

[fcs101]

Q: What does a gingerbread man sleep under?

A: A cookie sheet!

 

[Freds55]

Good one
Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane?

It was overbooked.

 

[Freds55]

Jim got up bright and early one weekend and headed to the local river. He fished all day long but didn’t catch a thing. On the way home, he stopped at the fish market.

“I want to buy the three biggest Stealhead you’ve got,” he said to the owner.

The owner starts to bag up his order when Jim says, “No need for that, just throw them at me.”

“Why would I do that?” the owner asked.

“So I can tell my wife that I caught three fish today!”

 

[Freds55]

My wife told me: “sex is better on holiday.”

That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.

 

[Freds55]

What sort of music should you listen to while fishing?

Something catchy.

 

[fcs101]

Q: Why is it getting so hard to find Advent calendars?

A: Their days are numbered!

 

[Freds55]

What do you get if you cross fishing tackle with an old smelly sock?

Hook, line and stinker.

 

[fcs101]

Q: What do you get if you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad?

A: A Pine-Apple!

 

[Freds55]

What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee

 

[fcs101]

Q: What do you call a kid that doesn't believe in Santa?

A: A rebel without a Claus!

 

[Freds55]

What happened to the man who only ate Skittles?

He farted rainbows.

 

[Freds55]

What do you call a Great Dane that wears a snorkel?

Scuba-Doo!

 

[fcs101]

Q: What do you call 50 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A good start!

 

[notalemming]

Why do sharks never attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

 

[Freds55]

Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password.

It’s not stroganoff.

 

[ZipGun68]

What's the difference between God and a Doctor?

God doesn't think he's a Doctor.

 

[Freds55]

What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?

Twerky!

 

[Freds55]

Being a diving instructor means you have to teach people to hold their breath underwater without scuba gear.

It's a tankless job!