click Reply - vent - click delete / or not

Vio

Experienced
Learning everyday. Love it.

But sometimes I'm so pi$$ed by comments in public forums or social media that I can't help myself and start typing a reply. Then write, write, write.... and at the end, when I'm happy with the response, I delete it.

Problem is sometimes i don't, and I press Submit/Post instead.

How should I get past this urge to post a reply that might not be understood at all (by the targeted person) or understood exactly as intended (by the rest of the audience) but flagged (for good reason) as inappropriate?

How do you get to that level of calmness, beside playing your Axe?
 
Remember that everyone is capable of being an idiot.

Getting upset at something someone else says is giving them control over your emotions. Attitude is a choice; anymore I just shake my head and move on and skip over any further comments. Those who continue to be idiots get ignored.
 
duty_calls.png
 
I usually just reply with my personal creed to those that start to irritate me


While I disagree with you I know everyone is different.
Anger is often misplaced so I refrain from replying in haste.
Nothing is achcheived by personal attacks.
Knowledge is important
Everyone has the right to speak
Reasonable behavior is best for all
 
I type stuff all the time, and then I re-read it and then try to think of is anything of benefit to the conversation? I also try to think of is this negative or not, am I stirring shit? A lot of people reply just to get post counts up, or ego, or who knows.

Take this for instance on this board. New beta comes out, in the beta thread you get a bunch of people stating "i'm not installing this, i'm going to skip it." What possible good does that serve? Who is going to find value in that? Nobody.
 
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Hit delete. It really is that easy.

Edit: if you haaaave to post, time how long it takes to write it down and post. Log that time. Then add it up after say a week, and see how long it took. Keep tallying for a while.
 
I think you know when you're doing it... You just have to stop yourself.

It isn't always easy ;)

I often write a response, then read it and re-write it. Sometimes I do it again. This is usually a good sign I'm in that territory, and then I really contemplate if I should post.

I think a big challenge is to recognize if you're replying or reacting. If you're reacting then you're probably already in the danger zone :)
 
I got to a point where I realized, 'I don't know who this person is making this stupid comment, so why do I give a shit what someone I'll likely never meet says or thinks?' I don't. They don't matter to me in the slightest. So, I just shrug and think what an oxygen thief they are, then move on. And telling someone 'I don't care. You don't matter.' appears to also really, really piss some people off. Which is odd. What I think and say should matter as little to them as what they say does to me. Doesn't often seem to work that way though.
 
But sometimes I'm so pi$$ed by comments in public forums or social media that I can't help myself and start typing a reply. Then write, write, write.... and at the end, when I'm happy with the response, I delete it.
To me, this has always felt like the internet equivalent of writing a nasty letter to someone you're pissed at, then burning it. Gets it out of your system without escalating the situation.
 
Learning everyday. Love it.

But sometimes I'm so pi$$ed by comments in public forums or social media that I can't help myself and start typing a reply. Then write, write, write.... and at the end, when I'm happy with the response, I delete it.

Problem is sometimes i don't, and I press Submit/Post instead.

How should I get past this urge to post a reply that might not be understood at all (by the targeted person) or understood exactly as intended (by the rest of the audience) but flagged (for good reason) as inappropriate?

How do you get to that level of calmness, beside playing your Axe?


You can give yourself empathy:
Step 1, How do you feel?
Step 2, What are your needs?
Step 3, Come up with a strategy that would help you to meet your need.


Since it's hard to come up with the right words I have created a website, where you can click together who do you feel and what are your needs:
speakgiraffe.com
 
Don't waste your time reading public forums and/or comments. Honestly this is the only one (to me) worth looking at or posting a comment as there can be a lot to learn from others constructive comments. And I have read quite a few things even on this forum that I just shake my head on move on. People are looking for a response - don't waste you time and give them anything. This is also coming from someone who doesn't have any social media accounts....
At work, I have done the " type up the angry email and delete it" thing... but thats about it...
 
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I've typed lots of forum posts (here and elsewhere) and on reflection, deleted them. Sometimes it wasn't even a rant or reply, it might have just been "do I really have anything to contribute to this conversation?" and then I decided no. (evidence has proven that some of those got posted anyway ;-)

I do the same thing with some emails... type it, then go away for a few minutes, or an hour, or a day, and look at it again and see if I really want to send it. Have my feelings changed? Have I had deeper insight to the situation or the other person that maybe I can come from a more understanding place? Do I need to respond at all? If I do, am I willing to accept the consequences if I send this nasty-gram?

Sometimes we need to stand our ground and not let others abuse or take advantage of us. Other times, it's better to just let it go. Especially if it's a forum post that gets me pissed off but isn't even directed at me... Do I really want to get in an argument over someone else's opinion about gear?
 
I'd say to focus that time on the real people in your life - your family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, people you run into, etc. Be inquisitive and gracious toward those people. What happens online (outside of guitar forums of course) is a false reality - it's full of people (or even actual bots) hiding behind usernames and saying things that they themselves may not agree with just for effect. The people that contribute to humanity and make the world go 'round aren't the ones trolling social media 24/7 waiting for the next calculated outrage issue to pop up - they're too busy doing real stuff.
 
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